"Some BDSMers confuse a responsibility to speak up when they witness dangerous play for an invitation to critique other people's kinks, sexual interests, preferred fetish roles, safe words, etc." — Dan Savage
(This entry is in response to: http://dommedose.com/main/domme-pieces/the-muck-of-the-sea/)
Ugh. "Lifestylers." I've grown to loath this term.
Not so much because I have a problem with people living a life that they believe fullfills them best as a human being, but because I've ran into one too many that are just as stuck up and preachy about the way they live their life as some fundamentalist Christians. I suppose that rings true with just about any group of people. We're all diverse even if we share a common interest, and the loudest and most obnoxious of the bunch will unfortunately represent the rest to many outsiders, no matter how unfair that may be. But still…. Ugh.
My boyfriend and I recently took a trip to burning man over the summer, riding in a giant RV with a group of burners we had never met before. They were a colorful bunch. Loud, crude, and took every opportunity they could to express something sexual. It was a little much for my taste and they came across as very one-denominational people who constructed their whole identity around how they fuck. At one point, my boyfriend (who was making a far bigger effort than I was to be friendly.) started telling a story about a party he went to with a bunch of swingers (not a swinging party, mind you, but a normal party with swingers.) The point of the story had to do with a sex swing in their garage and the witnessing of some kids playing on it not knowing what was. But he was unable to get that far into it because he was immediately cut off the moment he said "swingers" and was asked quite forcefully, "SWINGERS or LIFESTYLERS?" Because, they'd have us know, there's a "BIG" difference, and by golly, we were going to know what that difference was. My boyfriend was a bit taken back, not really know how to respond, and I interjected by saying, "They're couples who have sex with people other than each other. Really, who fucking cares? That wasn't the point of the story."
They were quietly hostile toward me after that. Which is fine by me. The ironic thing was, I'm pretty sure I came across to them as some kind of vanilla prude. They'd never know that I make a substantial living catering to some of the more bizarre and transgressive of fetishes out there. Again…. Fine by me.
My problem with many lifestylers is this reoccurring attitude of, "you're doing it wrong." Which is ironic, considering that very notion is what placed them in that alternative lifestyle in the first place. "Right" is often interchanged with the word "real," which seems to be a reoccurring topic in this online scene, even though we've yet to agree upon what that actually means.
In the DD entry, the writer equates "reality" with the rules and regulations of offline kink scenes. She is put off by "wishy washy" characters with "vanilla obligations" that aren't acting like "true" submissives. She thinks consenting adults should not role play certain scenarios because of her personal history involving a non-consenting crime.
In other words, we're doing it wrong, and by golly, we better start learning the rules.
I'll give her credit to one thing, perhaps their are a lot of dommes out their inflicting physical pain (flogging, canning, whipping, or what have you) onto individuals without knowing that they're doing. Really, I have no idea. I've never learned to do that and I don't make videos like that. So if there's a "right" way that keeps people from serious bodily injuries and the courtroom, I think it's worth bringing up.
But other than that? I think these are personal hang-ups brought up by an angry lifestyler who really shouldn't be dictating how the rest of us play and make a living, no matter how "immoral" she tells us they are.
I've written before about the topic of incest fantasies (http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/100708.html) so I won't go into that again, except to say, if were going to follow any kind of rule within this scene, I believe it should be that any kind of fetish indulged by consenting adults should be allowed. Hell, it should be encouraged. This is a scene that should celebrate and embrace the diversity of fetishes when they're expressed in a healthy manner. We aren't allowed to cherry pick and choose what thoughts are acceptable based on our personal history or what we find distasteful. It's either all okay, or none of it is.
The topic of wishy-washy subs who aren't as committed to her as she thinks they should be, is another matter. It's is a matter lifestylers vs. fetishists. Again, another topic I've touched on before (http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/2623.html) and I won't get into too much again, except to say that there are far more men here looking to scratch an itch than looking to live a lifestyle. No amount of bitching, moaning, or ranting about "time wasting wankers" is going to change that.
The writer of the DD entry admitted herself that she's here because she wasn't making enough money in r/t. Well guess what hun? This is how the job works. There's no business in this world that doesn't profit from meeting other people's needs. Sure, you're welcome to play by your own strict, specific, rules, if that's what's most important to you, but you can't expect to make a lot of money. As one of my favorite Dommes recently said, "I don’t think that 'realness' is as important in any public scene as much as 'good at.'" (http://www.salon-stern.com/)
Furthermore, the very construction of the internet allows certain leeway that real life doesn't. It's far more easy to lie, deceive, and walk away from a situation online than in real life. There's far less accountability. And yes, this results in guys who will waste your time and lie to you. Whoop dee do. Hit the block button and move on. As far as I'm concerned, it's a small price to pay in a job that pays 6 figures a year.
But hey, that's just me. We're all here for different reasons. A lot of girls get frustrated because they have a strong desire to control men in a very specific way and they think this is a world where they will automatically bend to their will. In reality, they'll only bend to your will if it coincides with their fetish. If it doesn't, they can sign off, no matter what promises they made you previously, and not be held accountable. If real life allowed for this kind of a freedom, I guarantee you they'd be doing the same thing there as well.
Despite it's drawbacks, this world has huge benefits, and it works quite well for me. I'm naturally a bitch online and I've been deeply fascinated by fetishes since I was 14. I've long gotten over the fact that "true" submissives are scarce because I realized I'm not really interested in them anyway. This isn't my lifestyle. This is my business and my art form and I cherish the fact that there's a community that nurtures my craft and make allows me to make a shit-ton of money in the process. How nice it is that the writer of the DD article also has a community that she embraces her interests. Maybe the two should leave each other alone.
While I agree with much of what you have written here in terms of how people may approach a fetish or lifestyle with different intentions, desires and motivations, I think the question of morality should be part of the discussion. Play or “scratching an itch” can be harmful and if you are a participant who profits as a service provider it is incumbent on you to examine the moral implications of your actions. Somethings are simply not ok and to be a person who sees beyond the material or economic transactions to the benefit or harm you are causing is part of your responsibility. If you aspire to be happy with yourself and proud of what you are these choices are important.
Can you be more specific? I assume you’re talking about incest fantasy, but I can’t be sure. If you are, I suggest you goto the entry which I linked that talks more about incest role playing, I talk about it beyond it’s economic value.
http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/100708.html
As far as my examining the moral implications of my actions, I thought I was pretty clear about that, but I’ll repeat; I don’t think there’s anything immoral about consenting adults role playing any scenario that they wish to. I’d go so far as to say it’s highly unethical to suppress people in that way. I believe when you express the desires you didnt choose to have and will never be rid of in a healthy manner, it allows you to understand it more and makes it far more unlikely to express it in an unhealthy or criminal manner.
While I agree with much of what you have written here in terms of how people may approach a fetish or lifestyle with different intentions, desires and motivations, I think the question of morality should be part of the discussion. Play or “scratching an itch” can be harmful and if you are a participant who profits as a service provider it is incumbent on you to examine the moral implications of your actions. Somethings are simply not ok and to be a person who sees beyond the material or economic transactions to the benefit or harm you are causing is part of your responsibility. If you aspire to be happy with yourself and proud of what you are these choices are important.
Can you be more specific? I assume you’re talking about incest fantasy, but I can’t be sure. If you are, I suggest you goto the entry which I linked that talks more about incest role playing, I talk about it beyond it’s economic value.
http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/100708.html
As far as my examining the moral implications of my actions, I thought I was pretty clear about that, but I’ll repeat; I don’t think there’s anything immoral about consenting adults role playing any scenario that they wish to. I’d go so far as to say it’s highly unethical to suppress people in that way. I believe when you express the desires you didnt choose to have and will never be rid of in a healthy manner, it allows you to understand it more and makes it far more unlikely to express it in an unhealthy or criminal manner.
Actually I wasn’t referring to any specific fetish or fantasy or expression there of. Yes, expression of feelings that are difficult or shameful or taboo can be healthy. The form of that expression and acting out of those fantasies may or may not be. The cases are individual and intent, intelligence and experience are often the best guides when making decisions about how you will interact with individuals. I cannot say (not really knowing you) what your primary intentions are as a service provider. I can say in general that if one is primarily motivated by their own needs and desires it can blind you to the humanity of the person you are dealing with and the potential for real harm is significant.
Actually I wasn’t referring to any specific fetish or fantasy or expression there of. Yes, expression of feelings that are difficult or shameful or taboo can be healthy. The form of that expression and acting out of those fantasies may or may not be. The cases are individual and intent, intelligence and experience are often the best guides when making decisions about how you will interact with individuals. I cannot say (not really knowing you) what your primary intentions are as a service provider. I can say in general that if one is primarily motivated by their own needs and desires it can blind you to the humanity of the person you are dealing with and the potential for real harm is significant.
Further I would say that your “consenting adults” statement strikes me as a sort of boiler plate disclaimer. It is politically expedient and sounds progressive, but in your post you yourself admit there are unhealthy venues for expressing feeling and unhealthy ways to express them. As a moral person you should consider the possibility that for some individuals the service you provide may in fact be one of the unhealthy expressions that harm rather than help. We must be responsible for what we put into the world and the impact we have.
If you’d like to provide me with some kind of evidence that my service causes harm or is an unhealthy form of expression, it might sway my perception. But from where I stand, I simply don’t see the harm.
Also, consider this:
http://mistresst.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/my-porn-can-be-therapeautic/
An example of a man who was deeply changed for the better thanks to an incest/abuse themed clip that acted out by the very talented Mistress T. (http://www.mistresst.net)
First point, I would think its obvious but in case it is not: without people like Ceara, guys with strong fetish interests like myself would live scary lives, lives we dont want to live anymore. Have you ever driven into the city late at night to some hotel just to meet a girl that thinks you are hiring her for sex but really you just want to hire her to humiliate you? It frustrates and often demeans her, it confuss and makes her pimp suspicious, the whole trip is dangerous. Or have you ever exchanged info with a fetishist on some internet board, only to find out that ‘person’ is professional blackmailer who lives overseas and can’t be touched by our laws? Did you think about that stuff before you started questioning Ceara’s morality? What do you think we are all going to do once Ceara closes down shop because someone might lose the mortgage payment in a drunken payspree? Dont get me wrong, Ceara scares me. She is brilliantly devious, but i trust her. You should be thanking her for sacrificing her privacy and being a ‘well-known Domme’.
Second point, since when are ‘moral people’ supposed to close up shop if there is any possibility of causing harm to irrespondsible clients? Doctors prescribe drugs, stores sell knives and they have to assume their clients will be responsible. Whats the diff here? How is she (or they) supposed to determine in which cases harm might be caused through the action? Your comments apply to most fields and as far as “the impact we have on this world”, we are ALL spending money that we dont have, sending debt to humans who are not born yet and our lifestyle has an untold impact on the planet which could mean disaster for future generations. You go live in a hut and minimize your impact first and then maybe we’ll follow.
This is a GREAT point – if bars actually cut off the intoxicated, no one would be at one, and no other business turns away a dollar or asks “have you paid your rent first?”
The idea that women doing this *should* worry about this at all, is making everyone into your mother. I’ve literally been told I should be sending out questionnaires to find out if they’ve paid off everything else OK, me last. Um, no.
Further I would say that your “consenting adults” statement strikes me as a sort of boiler plate disclaimer. It is politically expedient and sounds progressive, but in your post you yourself admit there are unhealthy venues for expressing feeling and unhealthy ways to express them. As a moral person you should consider the possibility that for some individuals the service you provide may in fact be one of the unhealthy expressions that harm rather than help. We must be responsible for what we put into the world and the impact we have.
If you’d like to provide me with some kind of evidence that my service causes harm or is an unhealthy form of expression, it might sway my perception. But from where I stand, I simply don’t see the harm.
Also, consider this:
http://mistresst.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/my-porn-can-be-therapeautic/
An example of a man who was deeply changed for the better thanks to an incest/abuse themed clip that acted out by the very talented Mistress T. (http://www.mistresst.net)
First point, I would think its obvious but in case it is not: without people like Ceara, guys with strong fetish interests like myself would live scary lives, lives we dont want to live anymore. Have you ever driven into the city late at night to some hotel just to meet a girl that thinks you are hiring her for sex but really you just want to hire her to humiliate you? It frustrates and often demeans her, it confuss and makes her pimp suspicious, the whole trip is dangerous. Or have you ever exchanged info with a fetishist on some internet board, only to find out that ‘person’ is professional blackmailer who lives overseas and can’t be touched by our laws? Did you think about that stuff before you started questioning Ceara’s morality? What do you think we are all going to do once Ceara closes down shop because someone might lose the mortgage payment in a drunken payspree? Dont get me wrong, Ceara scares me. She is brilliantly devious, but i trust her. You should be thanking her for sacrificing her privacy and being a ‘well-known Domme’.
Second point, since when are ‘moral people’ supposed to close up shop if there is any possibility of causing harm to irrespondsible clients? Doctors prescribe drugs, stores sell knives and they have to assume their clients will be responsible. Whats the diff here? How is she (or they) supposed to determine in which cases harm might be caused through the action? Your comments apply to most fields and as far as “the impact we have on this world”, we are ALL spending money that we dont have, sending debt to humans who are not born yet and our lifestyle has an untold impact on the planet which could mean disaster for future generations. You go live in a hut and minimize your impact first and then maybe we’ll follow.
This is a GREAT point – if bars actually cut off the intoxicated, no one would be at one, and no other business turns away a dollar or asks “have you paid your rent first?”
The idea that women doing this *should* worry about this at all, is making everyone into your mother. I’ve literally been told I should be sending out questionnaires to find out if they’ve paid off everything else OK, me last. Um, no.
I have no idea whether you, in the course of your trade, have caused harm to individuals or not. I don’t believe there is a one size fits all answer here. I can certainly imagine circumstances where the expression of desire or need that causes economic distress could have impacts that would result in added emotional distress and have “real world” implications for relationships. In a sense some fin doms sell this as part of their fantasy. The idea of ruining or bankrupting an individual is portrayed in a seductive manner. In any event, as I said earlier, I don’t really know you or how you practice your craft. I just thought it was an interesting aspect of the discussion and important to consider it in a real way. Often I find that reexamining my motivations and thinking critically about my work, life and actions keeps me aware and functioning in a manner where I don’t have to question my own integrity. It is an individual’s greatest power to choose an authentic life of purpose. I hope you are doing that. Be well
I have no idea whether you, in the course of your trade, have caused harm to individuals or not. I don’t believe there is a one size fits all answer here. I can certainly imagine circumstances where the expression of desire or need that causes economic distress could have impacts that would result in added emotional distress and have “real world” implications for relationships. In a sense some fin doms sell this as part of their fantasy. The idea of ruining or bankrupting an individual is portrayed in a seductive manner. In any event, as I said earlier, I don’t really know you or how you practice your craft. I just thought it was an interesting aspect of the discussion and important to consider it in a real way. Often I find that reexamining my motivations and thinking critically about my work, life and actions keeps me aware and functioning in a manner where I don’t have to question my own integrity. It is an individual’s greatest power to choose an authentic life of purpose. I hope you are doing that. Be well
What an eloquent commentary. I know you know I am stepping away from this and have not heard anything but support. Accept what others want with where they are.
What an eloquent commentary. I know you know I am stepping away from this and have not heard anything but support. Accept what others want with where they are.
Being able to make money doing something you love is what everyone wishes they could have. I was also shocked by the positive responses to that persons piece, it was full of hostility and negativity that put me off from the very beginning.
I love being able to make money and devote time to my creative pursuits thanks to these men, yup there are wanders but they aren’t worth crying over.
Agree that doing incest clips doesn’t convince boys to commit acts of incests. If they are going to do that they will, regardless what clips you make.
Seeing other women like yourself behave professionally while still having fun and making loads of cash is inspiration for the rest of us who aren’t so hung up on labels and being ‘lifestyle’.
Being able to make money doing something you love is what everyone wishes they could have. I was also shocked by the positive responses to that persons piece, it was full of hostility and negativity that put me off from the very beginning.
I love being able to make money and devote time to my creative pursuits thanks to these men, yup there are wanders but they aren’t worth crying over.
Agree that doing incest clips doesn’t convince boys to commit acts of incests. If they are going to do that they will, regardless what clips you make.
Seeing other women like yourself behave professionally while still having fun and making loads of cash is inspiration for the rest of us who aren’t so hung up on labels and being ‘lifestyle’.
Thanks for the shout out.
I’m very “lifestyle” while I hate the word and I hate the self conscious twattery of a lot of the formal SM community. My relationship there is very love/hate. Sometimes people are right for the wrong reasons about things like skills – there’s no right way to do something in SM but there’s usually also a few glaring definite wrong ones. I wish there was more exploration and less certainty, more connection and less gear wankery, but that’s all for another time.
I have found, over years of doing virtual session stuff as well as real, that it is MADNESS to truly deeply conflate anything you are getting out of a paid exchange with anything you want out of a peronal one. Selling the fantasy on that is fine, and go on and fool everyone, but don’t fool yourself when it comes to this.
Can there be connection? YES. Expecting it is like expecting a pony every Christmas, it’s insane defined. I’m just happy when it happens and when they move on, there’s another one there. Anyone who’s been frustrated over 25 minutes of “lost time” with a “timewaster” needs to look in the mirror for the blame.
I also wrote about the unreasonable-ness that sex work conform to therapy like standards on my blog, you might actually find it a good venting read. Actually everyone posting here should probably check it out and think about a few things.
http://salon-stern.com/blog/2011/09/sex-work-therapy-apple-pie/
Thanks for the shout out.
I’m very “lifestyle” while I hate the word and I hate the self conscious twattery of a lot of the formal SM community. My relationship there is very love/hate. Sometimes people are right for the wrong reasons about things like skills – there’s no right way to do something in SM but there’s usually also a few glaring definite wrong ones. I wish there was more exploration and less certainty, more connection and less gear wankery, but that’s all for another time.
I have found, over years of doing virtual session stuff as well as real, that it is MADNESS to truly deeply conflate anything you are getting out of a paid exchange with anything you want out of a peronal one. Selling the fantasy on that is fine, and go on and fool everyone, but don’t fool yourself when it comes to this.
Can there be connection? YES. Expecting it is like expecting a pony every Christmas, it’s insane defined. I’m just happy when it happens and when they move on, there’s another one there. Anyone who’s been frustrated over 25 minutes of “lost time” with a “timewaster” needs to look in the mirror for the blame.
I also wrote about the unreasonable-ness that sex work conform to therapy like standards on my blog, you might actually find it a good venting read. Actually everyone posting here should probably check it out and think about a few things.
http://salon-stern.com/blog/2011/09/sex-work-therapy-apple-pie/
If fake incest clips where someone talks AROUND the idea cause incest then porn causes rape then naked titty causes flooding in Bangladesh.
If fake incest clips where someone talks AROUND the idea cause incest then porn causes rape then naked titty causes flooding in Bangladesh.
My 2 cents
I gave most of My comments on the piece on the DD. But I will give My comments on Your thoughts here as well.
I am a “lifestyler”. I have r/t play with subs, that’s where I have My outlet for My Dominance mostly. Online it’s play and fantasy. I can play out more here than I could in r/t. Like for example a castration fantasy. Sure I fantasize about permanently taking a male’s manhood away, but in reality would I do it? No. I am not a medical professional and the guy would probably die. I am not into killing someone, blood, scat, etc. etc. in r/t at all. But as long as it’s roleplay ONLY and no one is being harmed, then what really is the harm?
I discussed this over there, but I use to have a major problem with roleplay rape fantasies. Now that I have come to understand the mindset between many taboo fantasies, I understand it somewhat. Not completely still and it’s still something I’m not into, so I simply don’t look at, listen to, or partake in it. It’s as simple as that.
As I gave as an example over there, there are MANY things on the internet that many of Us no matter how twisted wouldn’t want to see. Snuff videos for example. They are on the internet, and no matter how fucked up, illegal, etc. They will remain. Why? Because humans are fucked up. And there is nothing bitching, crying, and ranting will do about it. I would never want to hear about, see, or partake in such a thing, so therefore I don’t. It’s really that simple.
And haha I laughed at the story about You and Your bf. It was also a good analogy with the Christians. I Myself can’t stand anyone with this type of mentality, Christian, or BDSM Lifestyler. I feel everyone is entitled to do as they please.
~Spoiled Seductress
My 2 cents
I gave most of My comments on the piece on the DD. But I will give My comments on Your thoughts here as well.
I am a “lifestyler”. I have r/t play with subs, that’s where I have My outlet for My Dominance mostly. Online it’s play and fantasy. I can play out more here than I could in r/t. Like for example a castration fantasy. Sure I fantasize about permanently taking a male’s manhood away, but in reality would I do it? No. I am not a medical professional and the guy would probably die. I am not into killing someone, blood, scat, etc. etc. in r/t at all. But as long as it’s roleplay ONLY and no one is being harmed, then what really is the harm?
I discussed this over there, but I use to have a major problem with roleplay rape fantasies. Now that I have come to understand the mindset between many taboo fantasies, I understand it somewhat. Not completely still and it’s still something I’m not into, so I simply don’t look at, listen to, or partake in it. It’s as simple as that.
As I gave as an example over there, there are MANY things on the internet that many of Us no matter how twisted wouldn’t want to see. Snuff videos for example. They are on the internet, and no matter how fucked up, illegal, etc. They will remain. Why? Because humans are fucked up. And there is nothing bitching, crying, and ranting will do about it. I would never want to hear about, see, or partake in such a thing, so therefore I don’t. It’s really that simple.
And haha I laughed at the story about You and Your bf. It was also a good analogy with the Christians. I Myself can’t stand anyone with this type of mentality, Christian, or BDSM Lifestyler. I feel everyone is entitled to do as they please.
~Spoiled Seductress
“Second point, since when are ‘moral people’ supposed to close up shop if there is any possibility of causing harm to irrespondsible clients? Doctors prescribe drugs, stores sell knives and they have to assume their clients will be responsible. Whats the diff here?”
In my opinion, the difference here is that the doctors or knife sellers are presumably not encouraging their consumers to abuse drugs or stab people. I happen to agree with Ceara that playing to one’s incest fantasy is not in any obvious way harmful. However, there are other scenarios which almost certainly do cause harm. One can be practically 100% certain that videos explicitly encouraging men with sex addictions to feed their addictions, disregard their wives, and send their paychecks to other women, are having a substantially harmful effect in the lives of others. This is not a mere “possibility”. Of course there are those that have the ability to indulge in fantasy without wreaking havoc among themselves and others and, ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions. I would argue, though, that the majority of income that Ceara receives through this line of work comes from the other kind of people, those that have a compulsion to spend inordinate amounts of time and money indulging their urges, regardless of the pain it may cause, only to feel guilty and ashamed after they get release. Mind you, the irony of that particular fetish is that Ceara is able to encourage exactly this type of behavior and be completely honest about her intentions.
In situations like this, there seems to always be two schools of thought. One line of reasoning goes like this: I can’t control what other people do. If they want to abuse this drug that I’m selling, it’s on them, or, if he wasn’t cheating with me, it would be with somebody else. People will be doing bad things, whether or not I exist. The other point of view is that I don’t want to take part in something that I can be sure is hurting others. They may be solely responsible for their actions, but I’m solely responsible for mine, and we all must live with the repercussions. Personally, I try my best not to contribute to the sorrow of others, but as with any question of morality, the answer is a subjective one. Therefore, it’s perfectly appropriate that no one is forcing anyone “to close up shop.”
“One can be practically 100% certain that videos explicitly encouraging men with sex addictions to feed their addictions, disregard their wives, and send their paychecks to other women, are having a substantially harmful effect in the lives of others. This is not a mere “possibility”. Of course there are those that have the ability to indulge in fantasy without wreaking havoc among themselves and others and, ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions. I would argue, though, that the majority of income that Ceara receives through this line of work comes from the other kind of people, those that have a compulsion to spend inordinate amounts of time and money indulging their urges, regardless of the pain it may cause, only to feel guilty and ashamed after they get release. “
Hate to burst the fantasy bubble on this one, but the vast majority of the income I receive are from clip sales; a large quantity of consumers generally buying 2-3 clips on average and spending less than $20. Not individual men who are sending me their entire paycheck and wrecking havoc on their lives (much to my dismay.)
On the very rare occasions men spend a substantial amount of money on me at once, it is (sadly) always short lived.
Also, how do you differentiate between a clip of me telling the viewer to lick their sisters feet and one of me telling them to divorce their wife and give me all their money? Why is one an legitimate fantasy and the other a harmful exploitation of one’s “sex addiction?”
if I am here
I am fair game
after all – I can see no sign of
forced participation with you at
all Goddess Ceara – your willfully
eager and paying (admittedly one
twentieth of of the true value)
slave that must work hard to earn
your priceless attention.
wants your juices in his eyes and mouth
Well I’m sure you get to feel good in your slave labor made clothes and with your comfortable investments in chemicals that kill us, drugs that are jacked up to feed the rich, and rape of third world resources.
At least that’s kind of what makes *me* feel guilty. As opposed to the person who may or may not be jacking off while he’s telling me he’s spending his family Christmas money on me.
I KNOW the former is hurting people. I’m being used by the latter, if he’s hurting himself doing it, that’s not my problem.
“Second point, since when are ‘moral people’ supposed to close up shop if there is any possibility of causing harm to irrespondsible clients? Doctors prescribe drugs, stores sell knives and they have to assume their clients will be responsible. Whats the diff here?”
In my opinion, the difference here is that the doctors or knife sellers are presumably not encouraging their consumers to abuse drugs or stab people. I happen to agree with Ceara that playing to one’s incest fantasy is not in any obvious way harmful. However, there are other scenarios which almost certainly do cause harm. One can be practically 100% certain that videos explicitly encouraging men with sex addictions to feed their addictions, disregard their wives, and send their paychecks to other women, are having a substantially harmful effect in the lives of others. This is not a mere “possibility”. Of course there are those that have the ability to indulge in fantasy without wreaking havoc among themselves and others and, ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions. I would argue, though, that the majority of income that Ceara receives through this line of work comes from the other kind of people, those that have a compulsion to spend inordinate amounts of time and money indulging their urges, regardless of the pain it may cause, only to feel guilty and ashamed after they get release. Mind you, the irony of that particular fetish is that Ceara is able to encourage exactly this type of behavior and be completely honest about her intentions.
In situations like this, there seems to always be two schools of thought. One line of reasoning goes like this: I can’t control what other people do. If they want to abuse this drug that I’m selling, it’s on them, or, if he wasn’t cheating with me, it would be with somebody else. People will be doing bad things, whether or not I exist. The other point of view is that I don’t want to take part in something that I can be sure is hurting others. They may be solely responsible for their actions, but I’m solely responsible for mine, and we all must live with the repercussions. Personally, I try my best not to contribute to the sorrow of others, but as with any question of morality, the answer is a subjective one. Therefore, it’s perfectly appropriate that no one is forcing anyone “to close up shop.”
“One can be practically 100% certain that videos explicitly encouraging men with sex addictions to feed their addictions, disregard their wives, and send their paychecks to other women, are having a substantially harmful effect in the lives of others. This is not a mere “possibility”. Of course there are those that have the ability to indulge in fantasy without wreaking havoc among themselves and others and, ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions. I would argue, though, that the majority of income that Ceara receives through this line of work comes from the other kind of people, those that have a compulsion to spend inordinate amounts of time and money indulging their urges, regardless of the pain it may cause, only to feel guilty and ashamed after they get release. “
Hate to burst the fantasy bubble on this one, but the vast majority of the income I receive are from clip sales; a large quantity of consumers generally buying 2-3 clips on average and spending less than $20. Not individual men who are sending me their entire paycheck and wrecking havoc on their lives (much to my dismay.)
On the very rare occasions men spend a substantial amount of money on me at once, it is (sadly) always short lived.
Also, how do you differentiate between a clip of me telling the viewer to lick their sisters feet and one of me telling them to divorce their wife and give me all their money? Why is one an legitimate fantasy and the other a harmful exploitation of one’s “sex addiction?”
if I am here
I am fair game
after all – I can see no sign of
forced participation with you at
all Goddess Ceara – your willfully
eager and paying (admittedly one
twentieth of of the true value)
slave that must work hard to earn
your priceless attention.
wants your juices in his eyes and mouth
Well I’m sure you get to feel good in your slave labor made clothes and with your comfortable investments in chemicals that kill us, drugs that are jacked up to feed the rich, and rape of third world resources.
At least that’s kind of what makes *me* feel guilty. As opposed to the person who may or may not be jacking off while he’s telling me he’s spending his family Christmas money on me.
I KNOW the former is hurting people. I’m being used by the latter, if he’s hurting himself doing it, that’s not my problem.
BDSM silliness
Just read your clinical destruction of Veronica Deville’s blog. She must be a serious domme what with the photo of her putting one foot on a stool whilst wearing thigh high boots. She must be a real domme.
What really offends me is that she puts the word online in quotes, as if it’s somehow inferior to real time domming (or is that ‘real time domming’). I’ve been whipped until I’ve bled and tied up overnight and yet some of the most profound bdsm experiences I’ve had have been online (thats ‘online’ to lifestylers). Lets face it, a bit of bdsm never hurt anyone.
BDSM silliness
Just read your clinical destruction of Veronica Deville’s blog. She must be a serious domme what with the photo of her putting one foot on a stool whilst wearing thigh high boots. She must be a real domme.
What really offends me is that she puts the word online in quotes, as if it’s somehow inferior to real time domming (or is that ‘real time domming’). I’ve been whipped until I’ve bled and tied up overnight and yet some of the most profound bdsm experiences I’ve had have been online (thats ‘online’ to lifestylers). Lets face it, a bit of bdsm never hurt anyone.
approve
I love it when you share your thoughts, this was beautifully put. Opinionated people are everywhere and at least we got the swinger joke – they didn’t get it, you have a full life maybe they think they have but with an attitude like that I suspect something is missing. Those that are the most in doubt shout the loudest (I think this is from Tess but I just looked in gutenberg and couldn’t find the quote) but anyway, you have a grip on reality they lack.
More power to you! -p
approve
I love it when you share your thoughts, this was beautifully put. Opinionated people are everywhere and at least we got the swinger joke – they didn’t get it, you have a full life maybe they think they have but with an attitude like that I suspect something is missing. Those that are the most in doubt shout the loudest (I think this is from Tess but I just looked in gutenberg and couldn’t find the quote) but anyway, you have a grip on reality they lack.
More power to you! -p
Look at you sounding so smart
Look at you sounding so smart
Wise words from a Fetishist
Guess I’m not as social as I should be in the online scene, but I really had no idea there was so much animosity between the varying degrees of Dommes. Like you, I consider what I do to be a business and treat it as such. I noticed when I first started working in the fetish industry that for some reason “hardcore” members of the BDSM community that are into what some would consider “sick and weird” thought other things were “too out-there” or not acceptable. Honesty, I have no idea how it’s possible for there to be any type of judgement within the BDSM community given the extreme taboos it can sometimes involve. Personally, there are certain things I am not into but that doesn’t mean I’m going to criticize those that enjoy them. I really liked this post and it’s good to know that their are others out there that have an open-mind when it comes to being a fetishist.
Re: Wise words from a Fetishist
“Honesty, I have no idea how it’s possible for there to be any type of judgement within the BDSM community given the extreme taboos it can sometimes involve. Personally, there are certain things I am not into but that doesn’t mean I’m going to criticize those that enjoy them. I really liked this post and it’s good to know that their are others out there that have an open-mind when it comes to being a fetishist.”
wait.. what??? this is the same lynne that wrote this, right? http://dommedose.com/main/domme-pieces/femdom-reality-check-amusing-musings-and-mini-rant/
Wise words from a Fetishist
Guess I’m not as social as I should be in the online scene, but I really had no idea there was so much animosity between the varying degrees of Dommes. Like you, I consider what I do to be a business and treat it as such. I noticed when I first started working in the fetish industry that for some reason “hardcore” members of the BDSM community that are into what some would consider “sick and weird” thought other things were “too out-there” or not acceptable. Honesty, I have no idea how it’s possible for there to be any type of judgement within the BDSM community given the extreme taboos it can sometimes involve. Personally, there are certain things I am not into but that doesn’t mean I’m going to criticize those that enjoy them. I really liked this post and it’s good to know that their are others out there that have an open-mind when it comes to being a fetishist.
Re: Wise words from a Fetishist
“Honesty, I have no idea how it’s possible for there to be any type of judgement within the BDSM community given the extreme taboos it can sometimes involve. Personally, there are certain things I am not into but that doesn’t mean I’m going to criticize those that enjoy them. I really liked this post and it’s good to know that their are others out there that have an open-mind when it comes to being a fetishist.”
wait.. what??? this is the same lynne that wrote this, right? http://dommedose.com/main/domme-pieces/femdom-reality-check-amusing-musings-and-mini-rant/
i would just like to say fuk you to the asshole preaching about morality on here… fukn kant can take his decadent theological principals and stick em up his resentful ass. go preach the virtues of the good neighbor sumwer else. good for you but not for the neighbor!! you can’t reason me into giving a flying fuk about you!! Suk my monkey cock you backdoor christian
Oh good, you’re back.
i would just like to say fuk you to the asshole preaching about morality on here… fukn kant can take his decadent theological principals and stick em up his resentful ass. go preach the virtues of the good neighbor sumwer else. good for you but not for the neighbor!! you can’t reason me into giving a flying fuk about you!! Suk my monkey cock you backdoor christian
Oh good, you’re back.