Some of you who follow me closely may have noticed I tend to get more joy out of people who insult me over those who compliment me. Not sure why. Perhaps its the secret masochist in me. Or perhaps its just that compliments tend to get incredibly repetitive and mundane and most insults are pretty creative and fun. Recently I was contacted by a guy who was interested in being my “slave” and enticed me with a whopping $25. I chatted with him a bit and told him to email me some information about himself. He did, and replied with a few questions of his own which were as followed:
 
Thanks for the reply I know you are very busy. now that you know a good amount about me and my reasons for seeking a woman to worship and dedicate myself to slave and work for her benefit only. I was just wondering if you make me your slave, what kind of things or tasks are you going to make me do? And you ask me about my income and my bills and I was just wondering why? After you take make a slave submit total control to you and worship you, do you also seek and expect full control of everything he owns like House , cars, bank accts ect ? That is pretty much all my questions at this time Thank You Mistress –Steve
 
To which I replied:
 
“I was just wondering if you make me your slave, what kind of things or tasks are you going to make me do?”
—Your task will be to pay me.
 
“And you ask me about my income and my bills and I was just wondering why? ”
—Is that a serious question? Because money is the only part of you that interests me.
 
“After you take make a slave submit total control to you and worship you, do you also seek and expect full control of everything he owns like House , cars, bank accts ect ?”
—Considering what little money you make, you’re hardly worth the effort. I work a full time job running two websites, creating/editing/uploading clips, taking niteflirt calls, going on cam, blogging, tweeting, along with a plethora of other busy work. I also like to have a social life once in a while. The time it would take to “control” every aspect of your life with no guarantee of financial benefit is time I could be spending creating quality fetish content with a guaranteed high profit.
 
A lot of guys message me asking to be my “slave,” when what they really want is a session every once in a while in which you act like a slave for that period of time. I suggest you think long and hard about what you really want here. If you truly want some kind of high maintenance 24/7 service agreement, I’m not for you. If you have an itch to scratch every once in a while like 99% of the guys I deal with, contact me for a cam or phone session when you see me online and then go about your life the rest of the time.
 
He never wrote back, but occasionally tried to chit chat with me on YIM, to which I told him to buzz off unless he wanted to pay for my time. Then one day I receive this message:
 

 
I think my brain broke a little just reading this. I mean, I talk to a lot of pretty stupid people all the time. It’s to be expected when dealing with horny men, but this took it to whole new level. Wasting my time to inform me he’s fighting the urge to not waste my time and confusing that with wasting my time…? Amazing! I couldn’t figure out if he was being sincere or not but it didn’t matter either way and he joined my blocked list.
 
This morning he sent me an email. Seriously, I can’t stop laughing.
 
Subject line:   I THINK YOUR THE STUPID ONE.
 
I THINK YOUR THE STUPID ONE! I AM A REAL SUB AND WAS SEARCHING FOR A MISTRESS WHEN I FOUND YOU, I  BASICALLY TOLD YOU THAT I WANTED TO NOT ONLY WORSHIP AND BE YOUR SLAVE BUT ALSO GIVE YOU FULL CONTROL OF ALL THAT I OWN, THAT MEANT HOUSE, CARS , BANK ACCOUNTS   ECT.. FOR SOME REASON YOU THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING AND YOU ACTED RUDE MEAN AND DIDNT RESPOND VERY WELL, SO I CONTINUED MY SEARCH FOR A GODDESS AND FOUND A REAL MISTRESS THATS CONTROLLING AND DOMINANT BUT WITH CLASS. IN JUST 2 DAYS SHE TOOK OVER MY WORLD AND IS IN FULL CONTROL OF MY 3 BANK ACCOUNTS AND IS DRIVING AROUND IN MY 2012 LEXUS THAT IS HER LEXUS NOW. TOMORROW SHEs  MAKING ME PUT HER NAME ON ALL MY ACCOUNTS SO ONLY SHE HAS ACCESS, I WILL  NO LONGER BE  ALLOWED AT ANY OF MY BANKS WITHOUT HER PERMISSION. IF I NEED SOMETHING SHE MUST APPROVE IT FIRST. SHE IS A TRUE GODDESS! SHE HAS GIVEN ME MY NEW LIFE INSTRUCTIONS…#1 GO TO WORK AND WORK HARD….#2 BRING ALL INCOME TO HER… #3 SERVE AND OBEY HER AT ALL COST AND NEVER QUESTION HER….#4 MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BE ON CALL 24/7 FOR HER NEEDS . IM IN PARADISE. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO SEND YOU THIS BUT SHES MAKING ME.
 
The subject line alone is priceless. Reminds me of a line in Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back that I’m always using on people in jest. I think I may have to borrow this new one.
 
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7xH72dFySg]