Some of you who follow me closely may have noticed I tend to get more joy out of people who insult me over those who compliment me. Not sure why. Perhaps its the secret masochist in me. Or perhaps its just that compliments tend to get incredibly repetitive and mundane and most insults are pretty creative and fun. Recently I was contacted by a guy who was interested in being my “slave” and enticed me with a whopping $25. I chatted with him a bit and told him to email me some information about himself. He did, and replied with a few questions of his own which were as followed:
Thanks for the reply I know you are very busy. now that you know a good amount about me and my reasons for seeking a woman to worship and dedicate myself to slave and work for her benefit only. I was just wondering if you make me your slave, what kind of things or tasks are you going to make me do? And you ask me about my income and my bills and I was just wondering why? After you take make a slave submit total control to you and worship you, do you also seek and expect full control of everything he owns like House , cars, bank accts ect ? That is pretty much all my questions at this time Thank You Mistress –Steve
To which I replied:
“I was just wondering if you make me your slave, what kind of things or tasks are you going to make me do?”
—Your task will be to pay me.
“And you ask me about my income and my bills and I was just wondering why? ”
—Is that a serious question? Because money is the only part of you that interests me.
“After you take make a slave submit total control to you and worship you, do you also seek and expect full control of everything he owns like House , cars, bank accts ect ?”
—Considering what little money you make, you’re hardly worth the effort. I work a full time job running two websites, creating/editing/uploading clips, taking niteflirt calls, going on cam, blogging, tweeting, along with a plethora of other busy work. I also like to have a social life once in a while. The time it would take to “control” every aspect of your life with no guarantee of financial benefit is time I could be spending creating quality fetish content with a guaranteed high profit.
A lot of guys message me asking to be my “slave,” when what they really want is a session every once in a while in which you act like a slave for that period of time. I suggest you think long and hard about what you really want here. If you truly want some kind of high maintenance 24/7 service agreement, I’m not for you. If you have an itch to scratch every once in a while like 99% of the guys I deal with, contact me for a cam or phone session when you see me online and then go about your life the rest of the time.
He never wrote back, but occasionally tried to chit chat with me on YIM, to which I told him to buzz off unless he wanted to pay for my time. Then one day I receive this message:
I think my brain broke a little just reading this. I mean, I talk to a lot of pretty stupid people all the time. It’s to be expected when dealing with horny men, but this took it to whole new level. Wasting my time to inform me he’s fighting the urge to not waste my time and confusing that with wasting my time…? Amazing! I couldn’t figure out if he was being sincere or not but it didn’t matter either way and he joined my blocked list.
This morning he sent me an email. Seriously, I can’t stop laughing.
Subject line: I THINK YOUR THE STUPID ONE.
I THINK YOUR THE STUPID ONE! I AM A REAL SUB AND WAS SEARCHING FOR A MISTRESS WHEN I FOUND YOU, I BASICALLY TOLD YOU THAT I WANTED TO NOT ONLY WORSHIP AND BE YOUR SLAVE BUT ALSO GIVE YOU FULL CONTROL OF ALL THAT I OWN, THAT MEANT HOUSE, CARS , BANK ACCOUNTS ECT.. FOR SOME REASON YOU THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING AND YOU ACTED RUDE MEAN AND DIDNT RESPOND VERY WELL, SO I CONTINUED MY SEARCH FOR A GODDESS AND FOUND A REAL MISTRESS THATS CONTROLLING AND DOMINANT BUT WITH CLASS. IN JUST 2 DAYS SHE TOOK OVER MY WORLD AND IS IN FULL CONTROL OF MY 3 BANK ACCOUNTS AND IS DRIVING AROUND IN MY 2012 LEXUS THAT IS HER LEXUS NOW. TOMORROW SHEs MAKING ME PUT HER NAME ON ALL MY ACCOUNTS SO ONLY SHE HAS ACCESS, I WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED AT ANY OF MY BANKS WITHOUT HER PERMISSION. IF I NEED SOMETHING SHE MUST APPROVE IT FIRST. SHE IS A TRUE GODDESS! SHE HAS GIVEN ME MY NEW LIFE INSTRUCTIONS…#1 GO TO WORK AND WORK HARD….#2 BRING ALL INCOME TO HER… #3 SERVE AND OBEY HER AT ALL COST AND NEVER QUESTION HER….#4 MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BE ON CALL 24/7 FOR HER NEEDS . IM IN PARADISE. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO SEND YOU THIS BUT SHES MAKING ME.
The subject line alone is priceless. Reminds me of a line in Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back that I’m always using on people in jest. I think I may have to borrow this new one.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7xH72dFySg]
Lynch 2.0
https://www.cearalynch.com
Princess don’t feel bad. i am sure it’s a cheap model Lexus. lol
Seriously i bet he wanked pretty hard to the email. Those caps really show how excited he got writing it! You can always tell when a loser is for real though as they always say “YOUR” instead of “You’re”.
Great blog!
Ugh.. Can the world please stop correcting people for the whole your/you’re thing? Its a common mistake. Everyone makes it at some point in their life. Correcting it has turned into this sad, over used attempt to appear intellectually superior when really all it does is demonstrate you have nothing witty or original to come back with.
Considering his promiscuous use of the caps lock button and the content of his e-mail, I would fully expect him to write “YOUR” instead of “you’re”.
The reason it’s a common mistake is because there are a lot of intellectually inferior people out there 😉
Then I suppose that includes me and everyone else I know.
Only if you can’t follow the logic. I did not say that everyone who cannot or do not use the correct grammar are intellectually inferior.
I did say there are a lot of intellectually inferior people out there and they do tend to make this mistake, which is why it’s a common one.
That’s an argument that only runs one way.
And I didn’t even try to insult you 😉
That’s fine. Personally I think its a common mistake because its the same word used differently. I’d wager that even if everyone was brilliant, it’d still be a common mistake.
who gives a shit about one stupid word…
The quick reply shows the proper attention and speed of reply. IT doesn’t deserve proofreading or copyediting. Bravo
your blog always makes me giggle. stupid boys
so we can’t mention him typing ect either then?
His email > nitpicking grammar
Intelligent, decadent woman + use of the “greater than” symbol = math boner, the square root of which is said math boner after release…
Although good for a laugh…I also found this whole thing disturbing and annoying. This person is clearly out of his fucking mind. His fantasy world isn’t even remotely believable and that kind of ‘crazy’ can grow from annoying and somewhat amusing to potentially dangerous or stalker-ish.
Not to fear-monger, but this is the part of the job that I really hate. Dealing with clearly mentally unstable people. Sure, you get nut-jobs in most work places as customers or John Q. Public…a coffee barrista in Starbucks is probably more exposed than an online Domme…but it’s still unsettling at least to me…every time one of these nutters throws himself in my face.
Didn’t mean to be a Debbie-downer for all those getting a laugh at this…it IS funny, especially Ceara’s take on it…but it’s also disturbing, to me anyway.
You think? I didn’t gather that at all. Just read it as another one-handed read. Of course as you know, I’ve never been the best at dodging those mentally imbalanced stalker types.
Yup, I think he’s nuts. The ALL-CAPS email about finding another (completely fictional) Domme who told him to send you that email…& calling you stupid? I doubt he was jerking off at that point but if he was it would be akin to rape as it would be more about anger & power than lust.
This is the kind of guy who has the potential to snap & do something violent, in my opinion.
I think you’re reading it way different than I am.
I don’t see anger or power at all. I see disappointment, hurt and a misplaced attempt at making our lovely Ceara Lynch jealous and sorry that she didn’t accept him as a “slave”.
To me it reads rather harmlessly, like a school boy who’s been rejected by a girl and is now retorting with “I don’t need you, I already found a much better girlfriend”.
It’s infantile and certainly written in a state of emotion, but to me it looks very far from any kind of violence or “snapping”.
Meh. You could be right, I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong before. Once:-) We’ll probably never know for certain. You say potato, I say bat-shit-crazy. Lol.
Sorry, an after thought after my last comment: imagine if an acquaintance you knew casually outside of work told you this story, but the person telling you is the guy who sent the email. Imagine he’s sitting in the same room as you, telling you both sides…by the time he tells you about that last email (calling the online Domme stupid, etc.) how would you feel being alone in the same room with him, not even being the target of his anger?
Would your nutter radar bing & tell you to get the hell away from him or would you think he was just a bit of a wanker?
I don’t think that’s a fair analogy. I think perfectly sane people say crazy shit on the internet all time. It’s an easy way to illicit a desirable reaction with practically no consequences or accountability. That’s why trolls are so prevalent. The kind of person who would be perfectly comfortable describing this scenario in real life to a real person with no awareness that he’s stepping out side social norms and boundaries would be clearly a little off his rocker.
Maybe you don’t receive the same kind of email as I do, but outlandish fantasy stories involving made up women written as fact is not remotely uncommon for my inbox. Neither is childish insults or caps lock; especially in reaction to my rejection. I don’t see it as signs of being crazy; just butt hurt and throwing in that last-ditch nothing-to-lose attempt to gain a little more attention out of me when I’d otherwise ignore him.
OMG..that guy is such a loser…you should go for guys like me..who want you because of your BIG ass & cute face..& just want strip u naked to fuck you in yr mouth ass & pussy 24/7…no weird stupid dumb shit…just SEX!!!
That’s what my boyfriend is for. This is my job.
well Ceara that does not stop me from wanting to fuck you..im just telling you like it is baby…plus im probably better then yr B/F..an have a much bigger dick..ur just my kind of bitch….also no true man wants to be dominated….
I’m not at all concerned about whether my customers are “true” men, so long as they’re paying ones.
Well said babycakes..Money,money,money..its always about money..you with the VOLUPTUOUS!!! ass..i got clients im trying to get money from now..but they are “cheap bastards”..mmm maybe when & if they pay me i can give some of it to you..but NO domination shit!!..i just want to see yr ass & pussy..& dream that my HUGE!! dick is inside you deep..penetrating yr holes fuckin you hard ..ahhh.. shooting cum ALLLL!!!! over yr beautiful face after yd sucked my dick ahhhhh…..OMG!! im hard now..
Hmmm, not in my job description. Sorry. I guess you’ll just have to look pretty much anywhere else on the internet to find what you’re looking for.
LOL! Seriously.
WTF ?? thats funny.lol..not in job….anyway..i only want to fuck YOU!!! not anybody else..ok i’ll just have some drinks & think of yr Plump round naked ass in my face & me licking you from asshole to pussy….yummmy…i can see you now nude on all 4s taken my big dick all, in that BIG PHAT BOOTY hole ….WOW!!! DAMN!!!..feels so good sweetie…
Only me? Oh you hopeless romantic you.
YES!! Ceara only YOU!! you are the only one on the web that i want to stick my dick into..you’re soo cute so sexy so hot. & most of all SOO fuckable..OMG!! luv to ass fuck u..luv to pussy fuck u..luv to mouth fuck you, fill it w/my cum..cum all over yr face..have U naked legs spread open..ahhhh..all i can say it that yr a hot JUICY ASS bitch….
Truly, the Cyrano de Bergerac of our times.
Ok, then. btw I loved this when I found it a while back. Apt?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law
Ha! That’s a new one for me. Thanks.
I can’t stop laughing at the title. That’s going to stick with me all day.
Though I’m tempted to throw in my $.02 and analyze the dude myself, I don’t think I’ve had enough coffee yet today for profiling.
LOL! I always find Myself laughing not only at your blog, but at all the responses you get from losers who think it’s funny to dispute someone more superior. Fucking dumbasses!
There’s an old Chinese curse that says “May you live in interesting times.” With your lifestyle, I imagine every day is interesting. I suppose dealing with people like this is your curse.
P.S. Goddamn that reply tree above me is fucking ridiculous. That last post is so narrow it looks like a haiku having a stroke.
Ahhh, the elusive apostrophe. A classic blunder that gets ’em every time.
Nutter radar and voluptuous ass conversations avoided, I am a huge grammar snob. I fully admit to harshly judging and sometimes dismissing a person just because of his/her improperly placed punctuation.
If that’s the case, it’s a wonder you find any slaves.
I expect little bitch boy slaves to be filled with imperfections.
It’s funny, I think you give me more credit that should be allotted; when I said dismissing a person/ harshly judging, I wasn’t limiting these reactions to stupid subs.