Almost home…

(my sexy car shot ala princess Vikki)

Today is my last day on vacation which means tomorrow morning I’ll be flying back to my lovely home in Oregon. Which also means I’ll be slamming you fuckers in full force again. I’ve been getting countless emails from you whiners begging for attention, frantically ask me where I’ve been and when I will be available to take their money again. Guess what, dumbasses? Im always available to take your money. Take slave sushi for example – self service wallet rape right here:

This just appeared randomly in my inbox yesterday. Guess who’s first in line for my attention?

Anyway, besides drive by tributing, I’ve been getting some pretty entertaining emails. One in particular who Im sure came and went was a total skitzo. I counted 3 distinct personalities: the business applicant, the human toilet, and the master shitter. Here’s the first email I received:

I wrote him back giving him kudos for confusing the fuck out of me and then explained that I wasn’t hiring. This was his reply:

Charming isn’t he? I replied back tell him he almost made me lose my lunch and suggested that he go walk into traffic. Then I oh-so randomly got an email from MASTER MAX.. Hahahaha. I’m so sure this is just a coincidence.