So, I've noticed that whenever I write a blog entry about how I think submissives should behave when interacting with dominant women online, you boys have mixed responses. Many of you are supportive, but I can almost always expect some of you to ignite some kind of firey debate about "true" dominance or bitch and moan as you hang on like a vice grip to the many pleasures you feel entitled to. Ironically, the response I get from fellow dommes is overwhelmingly positive. Imagine that.
Let me be clear; this is only advice. Take it or leave it. Just know that "leaving it" means you will probably have less than enjoyable experience with the women you so desperately want to interact with. I really don't expect to change the general attitude or approach of submissives online. Hell, without pretty pictures to hold your attention, I'm sure most of you will just scroll right past this. That's fine. But to the few of you who do take the time and consideration to read this (and I know you're out there) your weiner will thank you for it.
That said, if you haven't already, please read the two prerequisites to this how-to entry;
If you've read those, you should have a pretty good idea of a) what it means to be a time-waster and how to avoid it and b) all that sub-talk about "serving" and being a "slave" is really just fantasy boner fuel and truthfully what you're really after is to buy one of the many services dommes offer. Awesome. Welcome to the club. You are the 99%.
So how do you have the best session possible? It isn't just a matter of having the money to pay for it, thats merely the obvious prerequisite. It's about being the type of sub that a Domme enjoys sessioning with. The most in-demand Dommes can make a ton of money in ways that don't involve dealing with you what so ever. So why on earth would we if we don't like you?
Believe it or not beyond the vast majority of you who annoy the holy hell out of me, there are a few who I really truly enjoy sessioning with and am constantly inspired to satisfy and please in my own sadistic way. Here's my advice on how to become one of those select few:
1. Learn as much as you can about your domme before contacting: I'm reiterating from my previous entry so I'll make this quick; consider your her times precious, because it is. Taking it up to ask simple questions you could have figured out on your own means you're more likely to annoy her and less likely to receive the best session you possibly can.
2. Be fully prepared to send payment before contact: One of my biggest pet peeves are guys who contact me wanting to play 20 questions, then when they finally decide they want to go through and buy a session, take another hour to set up their payment processing account. This is especially annoying because its a common strategy for guys who actually have no intention of purchasing anything and just tell you they're setting up their account to stall time. They give you point-by-point updates ("ok just putting in my information now") sandwiched in between the submissive equivalent of dirty talk ("OMG what are you going to do to me? Will you own me?") just to string the Domme along only to sign off when he's gotten a sufficient amount of free wank material. Yeah, I get it, some of you are new to this and really aren't trying to play games. But that's why youre reading this so you can know better and make an honest effort to separate yourself from the men who scam and lie to us all the time, right? There's simply no excuse as to why it should take any longer than 10 minutes between initial contact and money in hand.
3. Know what you want. The first thing I ask guys who contact me is "what do you want?" This isn't a trick question and I expect an honest answer. I know it seems pretty ass-backwards in a world where dommes insist that "you're here for me not vice versa," but I have a much more realistic approach to domination. Each an every one of you contact a Domme because you want something from her. The sooner you tell me what you want, the sooner I know how to best get what I want. Don't tell me you want to "serve" unless you're prepared to send a tribute and then immediately fuck off. You should know by now that chances are you want to buy a service, not be of service. Or, if you're one of those wishy washy newbies who's "never done this before," you want to buy my time to discuss the fact you have no clue what the fuck you're doing. Bottom line; if what you want doesn't involve sending me money, you have no reason to contact me.
3. Own your desires: Many subs make the mistake of insisting on finding a Domme who is spankin hot AND shares his fetishes. This is extremely really unrealistic. That isn't to say women aren't kinky or don't have fetishes of their own, its just that far less of them do compared to men. Or rather, the kinks we do have rarely coincide with yours. Furthermore, within the already small demographic of women who are drop dead gorgeous, you have an even less likely chance of finding one who shares your already bizarre kink. Instead of being disgruntled over this or naively accepting the ego-stroking lie most pros will feed you, take pleasure in the one thing most of us genuinely DO enjoy; exploiting your kink for profit. Seriously, how hot is that? In my service vs consumption entry, a few of you interpreted my admission that I don't share any of your kinks to mean that I don't enjoy my job. Which is silly. I love what I do very much because bizarre fetishes fascinate me, they just don't titillate me. So what that means for you? A chance to interact with a smokin hot dominant female who knows how to get in your head because she was genuinely curious enough to learn how. So instead of approaching a Domme and asking her what she's "into" in the hopes that she'll say something other than "money," present to your desires to her as a means of handing over the tools in which best to manipulate you with (I explain this further in #5.) If the Domme is smart like me, you won't give a rats ass whether or not it she actually shares your fetish because you won't be able to tell the difference.
4. Save the dirty talk for after the session begins: Saying things like "Please own me, Mistress" "I will do anything," "Oink oink" or whatever else is the submissive equivalent of saying, "show me your tits." You are speaking in such a way as to elicit a response that you will find arousing. It's a selfish, rude and manipulative way of obtaining services you haven't paid for under the guise of being "submissive." Sure, some of you just want a little warm up to "inspire" you to pay, but I simply don't work that way. My needs always go before your own. Just like the guys who lie about setting up their payment accounts to string the Domme along, too many men will play this game with no intention of purchasing anything. Rather than waste a HUGE amount of time indulging each and every guy who wants to be "seduced" out of his money in the hopes of finding the few who will actually pay, I simply favor those who know how to properly approach me and ignore the rest. Which do you want to be? The choice is yours.
5. Top from the bottom the proper way: Recently a rather thick-skulled customer of mine who reads my blog genuinely thought he understood how I think subs should act and behave. This guy loves my ass. Recently when he bought cam time he wouldn't shut up about me showing him my ass, which made me want to do the opposite. I don't like being told what to do. In his mind, he was just being "straight forward" about what he wanted as a "customer" and that therefor I should "give him what he wanted." Wrong. I know he likes ass. He knows I know he likes ass. There's no reason to continuously demand to see my ass as though I'm some kind of cam puppet. That is the kind of "topping from the bottom" Dommes complain about. If you tell me to do something, it probably wont happen. However, that isn't to say there aren't ways of properly communicating your desires so as to increase your odds of getting what you want. It's a matter of presenting your weaknesses to the Domme and then leaving it up to her to decide if and when she wants to use them. Instead of ordering her to "do this" or "do that," tell the Domme at the beginning of a session (if she isn't familiar with you already) "It makes me so weak when you ______" or "my weaknesses are _____" and then shut the fuck up about it and be on your best behavior. That's it. If you do that, I can almost guarantee you you'll get exactly what you want because you've handed the power over to the Domme rather than attempting to direct the session yourself and then behaved in such a way that inspires the Domme to reward you.
6. Give lots of feedback throughout the session: If a Domme is doing something you really like, say so enthusiastically. If she's doing something you don't like, say nothing. Don't bitch or complain, just ignore it. Doing this clearly communicates to the Domme what works for you and what doesn't without running the risk of appearing like a demanding sub. Alternatively you can steer the session elsewhere by making suggestions (not demands.) For example, if you're a sissy who's into chastity but not forced bi and your Domme starts talking about training you to suck cock, you can steer the conversation by saying "What if you locked my little clitty up? OMG." Again, this is all a matter of keeping the power in the Domme's hands. If she is still insists on talking about sucking dick after a gentle suggestion? Suck it up (pun intended) and deal. But chances are if you've done everything I've outlined above she most likely likes you, wants you to come back, and will therefor be inspired to do what works for you and not what doesn't.
7. Leave positive feedback afterwards; Niteflirt has a feedback area that allows you to show your appreciation while simultaneously promoting me. Had a session outside of niteflirt? Jump onto twitter and show your appreciation there. Too fucking lazy to create a twitter account? Comment anonymously on my blog. Really, there's no excuse not to do this. It will also work in your favor because it'll increase the odds that I'll remember you in a positive way. Keep in mind this kind of feedback is only useful when it's made public, so that it can serve as promotion for potential customers who are able to see it. Contacting me directly does nothing for me except take up my time.
1. Wave money around and say, "What can I get for $__?" Seriously? So fucking tacky.
2. Beg when you're told "no." The only time when its appropriate to beg is when I tell you to. Any other time is seriously annoying and will get you blocked very quickly. No means no. Similar to submissive dirty talk, begging is another form of manipulation under the guise of being "submissive." In actuality, it just demonstrates you don't give a shit what I have to say.
3. Tell me I'd make "so much more money if I just ____" Here's the thing, I make a ridonkulous amount of money doing what I want. You're not going to convince me to do things that I, for whatever reason, don't want to do just to make a little bit more of what I already have. Your request is going to be even less appealing to me if you use this line or try to argue with me because you then cross over into becoming an obnoxious prick who can't respect my choices and therefor the last person I care to please.
4. Piss me off to elicit a "punishment." If you don't know by now, I've actually been doing this for longer than 5 minutes. Which means I know the difference between "punishment" and "reward" within the D/s context. Pissing me off will not inspire me to verbally trash you or "force" you to fuck yourself with a dildo. It'll inspire me to, you know, genuinely punish you (i.e. ignore you or act completely cordial.)
5. Ask if you can call me on niteflirt Here is a link to my listings. Now here's a hot tip: if my lines are on, you're allowed to call. If they're off, you're not. WHOA, right? Notice how easy it is to figure this out for yourself without bothering me needlessly.
6. Argue. If I say the sky is purple. Guess what? The sky is purple. Arguing with me, especially when I am calling you out on your shitty behavior, is insanely inappropriate. Don't explain to me that's not what you "meant" or that I "misunderstood." You are the one at fault. Always. The sooner you accept it and correct it the happier the both of us will be.