Tag Archives: required read

How to have a fabulous session

So, I've noticed that whenever I write a blog entry about how I think submissives should behave when interacting with dominant women online, you boys have mixed responses. Many of you are supportive, but I can almost always expect some of you to ignite some kind of firey debate about "true" dominance or bitch and moan as you hang on like a vice grip to the many pleasures you feel entitled to. Ironically, the response I get from fellow dommes is overwhelmingly positive. Imagine that.

Let me be clear; this is only advice. Take it or leave it. Just know that "leaving it" means you will probably have less than enjoyable experience with the women you so desperately want to interact with. I really don't expect to change the general attitude or approach of submissives online. Hell, without pretty pictures to hold your attention, I'm sure most of you will just scroll right past this. That's fine. But to the few of you who do take the time and consideration to read this (and I know you're out there) your weiner will thank you for it.

That said, if you haven't already, please read the two prerequisites to this how-to entry;

1. How to make the best first impression without a lot of cash
2. Service Vs. Consumption

If you've read those, you should have a pretty good idea of a) what it means to be a time-waster and how to avoid it and b) all that sub-talk about "serving" and being a "slave" is really just fantasy boner fuel and truthfully what you're really after is to  buy one of the many services dommes offer. Awesome. Welcome to the club. You are the 99%.

So how do you have the best session possible? It isn't just a matter of having the money to pay for it, thats merely the obvious prerequisite. It's about being the type of sub that a Domme enjoys sessioning with. The most in-demand Dommes can make a ton of money in ways that don't involve dealing with you what so ever. So why on earth would we if we don't like you? 

Believe it or not beyond the vast majority of you who annoy the holy hell out of me, there are a few who I really truly enjoy sessioning with and am constantly inspired to satisfy and please in my own sadistic way. Here's my advice on how to become one of those select few:


1. Learn as much as you can about your domme before contacting: I'm reiterating from my previous entry so I'll make this quick; consider your her times precious, because it is. Taking it up to ask simple questions you could have figured out on your own means you're more likely to annoy her and less likely to receive the best session you possibly can. 

2. Be fully prepared to send payment before contact: One of my biggest pet peeves are guys who contact me wanting to play 20 questions, then when they finally decide they want to go through and buy a session, take another hour to set up their payment processing account. This is especially annoying because its a common strategy for guys who actually have no intention of purchasing anything and just tell you they're setting up their account to stall time. They give you point-by-point updates ("ok just putting in my information now") sandwiched in between the submissive equivalent of dirty talk ("OMG what are you going to do to me? Will you own me?") just to string the Domme along only to sign off when he's gotten a sufficient amount of free wank material. Yeah, I get it, some of you are new to this and really aren't trying to play games. But that's why youre reading this so you can know better and make an honest effort to separate yourself from the men who scam and lie to us all the time, right? There's simply no excuse as to why it should take any longer than 10 minutes between initial contact and money in hand. 

3. Know what you want. The first thing I ask guys who contact me is "what do you want?" This isn't a trick question and I expect an honest answer. I know it seems pretty ass-backwards in a world where dommes insist that "you're here for me not vice versa," but I have a much more realistic approach to domination. Each an every one of you contact a Domme because you want something from her. The sooner you tell me what you want, the sooner I know how to best get what I want. Don't tell me you want to "serve" unless you're prepared to send a tribute and then immediately fuck off. You should know by now that chances are you want to buy a service, not be of service. Or, if you're one of those wishy washy newbies who's "never done this before,"  you want to buy my time to discuss the fact you have no clue what the fuck you're doing. Bottom line; if what you want doesn't involve sending me money, you have no reason to contact me.

3. Own your desires: Many subs make the mistake of insisting on finding a Domme who is spankin hot AND shares his fetishes. This is extremely really unrealistic. That isn't to say women aren't kinky or don't have fetishes of their own, its just that far less of them do compared to men. Or rather, the kinks we do have rarely coincide with yours. Furthermore, within the already small demographic of women who are drop dead gorgeous, you have an even less likely chance of finding one who shares your already bizarre kink. Instead of being disgruntled over this or naively accepting the ego-stroking lie most pros will feed you, take pleasure in the one thing most of us genuinely DO enjoy; exploiting your kink for profit. Seriously, how hot is that? In my service vs consumption entry, a few of you interpreted my admission that I don't share any of your kinks to mean that I don't enjoy my job. Which is silly. I love what I do very much because bizarre fetishes fascinate me, they just don't titillate me. So what that means for you? A chance to interact with a smokin hot dominant female who knows how to get in your head because she was genuinely curious enough to learn how. So instead of approaching a Domme and asking her what she's "into" in the hopes that she'll say something other than "money," present to your desires to her as a means of handing over the tools in which best to manipulate you with (I explain this further in #5.) If the Domme is smart like me, you won't give a rats ass whether or not it she actually shares your fetish because you won't be able to tell the difference. 

4. Save the dirty talk for after the session begins: ​​Saying things like "Please own me, Mistress" "I will do anything," "Oink oink" or whatever else is the submissive equivalent of saying, "show me your tits." You are speaking in such a way as to elicit a response that you will find arousing. It's a selfish, rude and manipulative way of obtaining services you haven't paid for under the guise of being "submissive." Sure, some of you just want a little warm up to "inspire" you to pay, but I simply don't work that way. My needs always go before your own. Just like the guys who lie about setting up their payment accounts to string the Domme along, too many men will play this game with no intention of purchasing anything. Rather than waste a HUGE amount of time indulging each and every guy who wants to be "seduced" out of his money in the hopes of finding the few who will actually pay, I simply favor those who know how to properly approach me and ignore the rest. Which do you want to be? The choice is yours.

5. Top from the bottom the proper way: Recently a rather thick-skulled customer of mine who reads my blog genuinely thought he understood how I think subs should act and behave. This guy loves my ass. Recently when he bought cam time he wouldn't shut up about me showing him my ass, which made me want to do the opposite. I don't like being told what to do. In his mind, he was just being "straight forward" about what he wanted as a "customer" and that therefor I should "give him what he wanted." Wrong. I know he likes ass. He knows I know he likes ass. There's no reason to continuously demand to see my ass as though I'm some kind of cam puppet. That is the kind of "topping from the bottom" Dommes complain about. If you tell me to do something, it probably wont happen. However, that isn't to say there aren't ways of properly communicating your desires so as to increase your odds of getting what you want. It's a matter of presenting your weaknesses to the Domme and then leaving it up to her to decide if and when she wants to use them. Instead of ordering her to "do this" or "do that," tell the Domme at the beginning of a session (if she isn't familiar with you already) "It makes me so weak when you ______" or "my weaknesses are _____" and then shut the fuck up about it and be on your best behavior. That's it. If you do that, I can almost guarantee you you'll get exactly what you want because you've handed the power over to the Domme rather than attempting to direct the session yourself and then behaved in such a way that inspires the Domme to reward you.

6. Give lots of feedback throughout the session:  If a Domme is doing something you really like, say so enthusiastically. If she's doing something you don't like, say nothing. Don't bitch or complain, just ignore it. Doing this clearly communicates to the Domme what works for you and what doesn't without running the risk of appearing like a demanding sub. Alternatively you can steer the session elsewhere by making suggestions (not demands.) For example, if you're a sissy who's into chastity but not forced bi and your Domme starts talking about training you to suck cock, you can steer the conversation by saying "What if you locked my little clitty up? OMG." Again, this is all a matter of keeping the power in the Domme's hands. If she is still insists on talking about sucking dick after a gentle suggestion? Suck it up (pun intended) and deal. But chances are if you've done everything I've outlined above she most likely likes you, wants you to come back, and will therefor be inspired to do what works for you and not what doesn't.

7. Leave positive feedback afterwards; Niteflirt has a feedback area that allows you to show your appreciation while simultaneously promoting me. Had a session outside of niteflirt? Jump onto twitter and show your appreciation there. Too fucking lazy to create a twitter account? Comment anonymously on my blog. Really, there's no excuse not to do this. It will also work in your favor because it'll increase the odds that I'll remember you in a positive way. Keep in mind this kind of feedback is only useful when it's made public, so that it can serve as promotion for potential customers who are able to see it. Contacting me directly does nothing for me except take up my time.


1. Wave money around and say, "What can I get for $__?" Seriously? So fucking tacky.

2. Beg when you're told "no." The only time when its appropriate to beg is when I tell you to. Any other time is seriously annoying and will get you blocked very quickly. No means no. Similar to submissive dirty talk, begging is another form of manipulation under the guise of being "submissive." In actuality, it just demonstrates you don't give a shit what I have to say.

3. Tell me I'd make "so much more money if I just ____" Here's the thing, I make a ridonkulous amount of money doing what I want. You're not going to convince me to do things that I, for whatever reason, don't want to do just to make a little bit more of what I already have. Your request is going to be even less appealing to me if you use this line or try to argue with me because you then cross over into becoming an obnoxious prick who can't respect my choices and therefor the last person I care to please.

4. Piss me off to elicit a "punishment." If you don't know by now, I've actually been doing this for longer than 5 minutes. Which means I know the difference between "punishment" and "reward" within the D/s context. Pissing me off will not inspire me to verbally trash you or "force" you to fuck yourself with a dildo. It'll inspire me to, you know, genuinely punish you (i.e. ignore you or act completely cordial.)

5. Ask if you can call me on niteflirt Here is a link to my listings. Now here's a hot tip: if my lines are on, you're allowed to call. If they're off, you're not. WHOA, right? Notice how easy it is to figure this out for yourself without bothering me needlessly.

6. Argue. If I say the sky is purple. Guess what? The sky is purple. Arguing with me, especially when I am calling you out on your shitty behavior, is insanely inappropriate. Don't explain to me that's not what you "meant" or that I "misunderstood." You are the one at fault. Always. The sooner you accept it and correct it the happier the both of us will be.

Service vs. Consumption

I want to share with you a typical conversation I have pretty much on a daily basis:

Sub: I want to serve
Ceara: Ok tribute.
Sub: Can I see you on cam afterward?
Ceara: I thought you wanted to serve. 
Sub: I do. But I just want to see you on cam.
Ceara: That's not you serving. That's you buying a service.

Its occurred to me perhaps some of you subs out there could use a reality check on the differences between serving and consuming. Lots of guys contact me saying they want to serve, but almost none of them do. The difference between service and consumption is the same as the difference between customers and slaves. Service is when you do something for me. Consumption is when I do something for you. Customers buy stuff. Slaves tribute. Buying stuff is when you hand over your money with a sense of entitlement. Tributing is when you hand over your money because you're a fucking slave. Get it?

There are two types of guys who can't seem to grasp this;

1. The kind who confuse buying a service with serving
2. The kind who confuse imposing-their-fetish-onto-you with serving 

The annoying thing about the guy who confuses buying a service with serving is that it's insulting to presume that the work we do as dommes is actually you doing something for us. Whether its getting on cam, talking to you on the phone, making clips, writing up assignments, or watching you stick a dildo up your butt while you sing Ke$ha songs; we are doing something for you. It's not a service you're doing for us. It's a business transaction. That's why you pay for it.

Now, don't think my point here is to shame anyone for not being a "real slave." I actually prefer customers overall because I enjoy quick and easy interactions with a variety of subs and fetishes. If I'm going to spend the time nurturing a "long term relationship," I'll go fuck my boyfriend. My point here is too many of you don't understand the difference. You think you're entitled to something more than what you paid for because you confuse consumption with service. Buying a cam session doesn't earn you the right to chat with me for free the next day. Buying a few clips doesn't mean I "own" you. You are a customer. Not a slave.

Now, the kind of guy who confuses imposing-their-fetish-onto-you with serving is another animal all together. They are the true "wankers," if you will. The guys who try to provoke a free session. They have many tactics, ranging from playing chicken ("I bet you can't seduce my credit card number out of me.") to challenging your competence ("I thought you were a real domme") to assuming their dick is entertaining in any way ("Let me just show you a picture") to promising to pay later ("My next paycheck is all yours") to offering so-called blackmail information ("Omg, I'm soooo fucked now.") to randomly asking permission for ridiculous things ("Hi we've never talked before. Am I allowed to cum?")

Case in point:

Im sure a lot of you know exactly what you're doing. And for that I hope you burn in hell. But I also think there are some of you who really are just that stupid and get far too caught up in the desire to serve a domme who shares your fetish. After all, if I were a "real domme," I wouldn't be all about the money, right? Well prepare yourself guys, because Buzz Killington is about to make a statement; I don't share any of your fetishes. Not a damn one. If I did. I wouldn't be indulging them for money, I'd be playing with them in my bedroom. To digress for a moment; I don't think it's wise to do what turns you on for money. Not to knock anyone who does, more power to them, but doing sexually gratifying acts for money is not the same as doing it for fun. A shift occurs when your livelihood depends on it; your most likely doing it more often than you want to and negotiating based on the terms of the buyer, not your own. You will eventually burn out and begin to lose what it is you liked about it in the first place. I'm not willing to sacrifice my sexuality for money; I prefer to exploit yours.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I love the power, the creativity, the attention, the flexibility and the freedom. But almost all of those elements wouldn't exist if I wasn't getting paid absurd amounts of money for it. So many of you get off on trying to "entertain" me. That's fine, but just know that without money whatever you are doing ceases to be amusing. Watching a guy humiliate himself on cam for profit is hilarious, because I'm getting paid for it; watching him do it for free is just sad.

If I'm losing a lot of potential customers by admitting to this (because your head is too trapped in lala land to understand why men always have to pay for sexual gratification and women never will) so be it. But may I remind you; Im damn good at what I do. Regardless of my incentive to do it.

So do you still want to serve me? Really? Well as far as Im concerned, that can happen one of two ways. You can serve me with money, or without. If you want to (or have to) serve me without tributing, understand that will not earn you my attention. You will never get what others are willing to pay for. Period. But if you truly are selfless, service oriented and broke, you can do the following:

1. Leave high ratings for my clips
2. Write positive reviews for clips
3. Promote me in forums
4. Leave positive comments on my blog
5. Create artistic depictions
6. Report pirated clips
7. etc

If you have money and want to serve, you should still do everything listed above. Just understand that means you must be tributing as well. Listen carefully; a tribute means you are giving me your cash without expecting anything in return. It doesnt mean you won't sometimes be rewarded, it just means you have to lose your sense of entitlement. Which means you cannot "tribute for cam time," or "tribute by purchasing clips." Those are transactions, not acts of devotion.

Serving also means I have to like you. Which is actually a much more difficult hurdle to pass. I generally can't stand most of you for longer than it takes you to blow your wad (which is why I have more customers than slaves.) This is something you probably can't do anything about. We either click or we don't.

And hey, I get it. A lot of you are customers who like to fantasize that your fetishes actually serve me in some way ("I am stroking for you, Mistress" / "I want to suck cock for you, Goddess") That's fine, I know how to play along. Knock yourself out. But only after you've paid (not "tributed") for that kind of session. Don't confuse your desires with my own. I want one thing  and one thing only. Until you give me what I want, you will not get what you want.

How to make the most of a first impression without a lot of cash.

Time wasters. Oh boy. Is there anything Dommes love to complain about more? Throughout all this redundant bitching of the inevitable, I thought maybe a few of you who are smart enough to read might benefit from a mini tutorial on how to approach a domme online. Not just for her sake, but for your own (unless you have a fetish for being blocked or gaining minimal attention, please disregard.)

Successful Dommes spend a lot of their time making money. Any time spent talking to someone who is not paying them, is time they could have spent getting paid. The guys who approach dommes online who aren't paying immediately, generally fall into consistently reoccurring categories that we deal with over and over and over again;

1. They want to compliment and/or thank you
2. They want to ask you a question that could have been figured out on their own
3. They want permission to buy something that's available online for anyone to purchase
4. They want to chit chat

The problem is, to the individual sub, none of these things seem like that big of a deal. How could sending a quick message to say "thank you," be a big waste of her time? Simple; because it's all cumulative. Were not just dealing with you. We're dealing with incessant numbers of "you." For the Domme sitting online working and signed onto any kind of messenger service, it's a matter of filtering through repetitious number of idiots doing one of the 4 things above. It's never ending. Most Dommes (hell, most people in general) have a very short tolerance for dealing with the same shit. You may "just" be messaging her to ask a quick question, but if you're the millionth person to ask her that question that day, you're already dealing with her at the end of her fuse and may find yourself blocked before you know it.

Do you really want to be lumped together with the vast majority of these fools? Don't you want to make an impression and stick out from the crowd? Here's my advice:

1. Keep compliments/thank you for email. Furthermore, make them interesting. If all you're going to say is "thanks" or "you're amazing," don't bother. We hear that shit all the time and after a while it's just background noise at best, an annoyance at worst. If you want your gratitude to be noticed and appreciated, be detailed and specific as to how the Domme has affected you. Put some time and thought into it and, if you can, mention something especially pathetic or embarrassing that might amuse her as well. EDIT: Actually, I changed my mind. compliments/thank yous are best left in public, such as twitter or the commenting area of a Domme's blog. That way, your positive feedback is seen by others and can serve as promotion for her.

2. Do your fucking homework. If you have a question, there's a huge possibility its already answered on the Domme's website. You know, the one she worked her ass off for so she didn't have to sit around answering the same damn questions over and over again? If you have a question that's not answered on her site, its probably none of your business and/or you're falling into category #4.

3. Don't ask permission for retarded things. My god. If you don't know by now that all we're interested in is your money, then please for the love of god just swallow a bullet right now. We didn't create clips or turn on our phone lines so we can sit around online all day and grant permission to every individual person who wants to purchase it. It's for sale for a reason, and that reason is not to take up even more of our time.

4. Send the domme a small tribute before attempting to chat with her. Yes, you heard right. A small tribute will easily suffice with emphasis put on "before attempting to chat." Don't ask her "how" to tribute, or else you're falling back into the #2 category of reoccurring time wasters. Any Domme smart enough to throw together even the most amateur websites has a tribute area. If you want to stick out from the crowd, it's as simple as tributing without saying a damn word before hand. Why? Because that's so ridiculously rare it's not even funny. Most idiots online can't resist saying *something* before sending a tribute. The problem is the more you talk without paying, the shorter the fuse gets. Or like I said before, if a domme has just dealt with plethora of 1s, 2s, 3s and 4s, you may get blocked just for saying "hello." So, put your best foot (i.e. wallet) forward. If you're serious about serving or getting to know a domme, a mere $20 tribute to chat a bit is not going to break the bank. If it is, then you're not worth her time anyway. But keep in mind a tribute is a tribute; which means nothing should be expected in return for it. It is not a guarantee you'll get a little attention, it just puts you at far greater odds.


5. Get to the point. If you have intentions of paying for a service that requires her active attention, for the love of god say so immediately. Again, the more you talk without paying, the shorter the fuse. So don't waste everyone's time with "hello" "how are you?" "Im a big fan" "you're so hot" "I love your clips" until you finally get to "can I buy cam time?" Make your purchasing request the first thing you say and I guarantee you everything will run a lot smoother and better for both parties. I've half-assed plenty of cam shows with guys who tested my patience before hand with idle chit-chat or an ongoing number of questions they could have figured out themselves. Trust me, I will knock your socks off on cam the sooner you pay me and the more humbly you present your fetishes/weaknesses. On the flip side, however, if you ask to buy cam and I say, "no," the sooner you fuck off the better. "No" does not mean "beg," or "annoy me until I say yes." In fact, the more you plead with me to give you what you want after I've explicitly denied it, the more you demonstrated to me that you don't take what I have to say seriously and the sooner you are yet again, blocked.

So that's my advice, for whatever it's worth. I know this entry will hardly put a dent on the number of guys who will continue to waste mine and everyone else's time, and that's fine, the blocked button is not difficult to utilize. But for those who took the time to read this, I promise you can benefit from my advice. If any Dommes would like to add something in addition to this, feel free to comment.