Monthly Archives: May 2014

Road trip

Yesterday I returned from a road trip around central and eastern Oregon. I went with a girl friend of mine who very recently split up with her husband. Needless to say she had a lot on her mind and needed the distraction. I was happy to give that to her.

We took the scenic route down to the city of Mitchell to check out the painted hills; a surreal area filled with colorful clay mounds formed millions of years ago by volcanic eruptions and changing climate patterns. It was about an hour away from sunset when we got there and the way the light beamed on the scenery was absolutely stunning.

Just as we drove up we saw three roaming horses who walked right up to our car. One of them in particular was not shy about about sticking her head in my window. I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time she’s been fed by tourists. I’m sure every car is like a feed bag on wheels.

After a short stop in John Day, we headed to Joseph Oregon: a small town full of beautiful bronze sculptures near the Wallowa Lake.

We stayed a couple nights in an adorable 2 bedroom cabin in a resort near the lake that was clearly made for families with kids. There was an arcade, mini golf, bumper boats, go carts, ice cream and pools. I might have indulged in some of that if I had stayed longer, but instead my friend and I packed a picnic lunch and headed towards to lake to catch up on some reading and get some vitamin D.

The town was filled with deer that didn’t seem to fear people one bit. You could walk right up, pet them, and feed them berries from your hand. I’m pretty glad I didn’t find out until later that you’re actually not suppose to do any of that. Ignorance is bliss and sometimes it even makes you look like a Disney princess.

After just three nights we headed back home. My friend is one of those normies with a real job so I had to make sure she got back to it. If it weren’t for that I probably could have spent another week driving around exploring it all. Luckily I have a whole summer ahead of me.

Pussy 101

Every so often, depending on the time of the month and usually after I go for a run, I frost the inside of my panties. It’s a grotesquely fascinating and erotic sight I’ve witnessed since my early teens.

If you could be a fly in the wall of my bathroom it wouldn’t be an unusual to see me sitting on the toilet, panties wrapped around my knees, scrapping a thick layer of cream from underwear to study and play with it between my fingertips.

For whatever reason, as a teenager, I had an somewhat unusually healthy outlook on my pussy. While other girls buried themselves in self consciousness and private concerns of normality, I got great joy out of “educating” (e.g. needlessly shocking) boys I would never sleep with about what my pussy does.

There was a time I was sitting with a group of friends (boys and girls) at restaurant when I was about 15. I slipped my panties off from under the table and showed them the inside crotch to show them that girls get ‘wet’ even when they’re not aroused.

Another time during my junior year of high school I came out of the bathroom with thick fluid on my fingers so I could quiz my male friends on what it was. I then licked it off just as the look of horror and confused arousal reached their face when I told them. If they articulated any kind of disgust, I’d call them a fag.

Is it any surprise I started selling my panties online at 18? What better way to monetize my bodily functions? What better audience than panty sniffing perverts to validate the sick, eccentric thrill I got out of showing it off to men I’d never be intimate with? It’s truly the job I was meant for.

Those of you who follow me on twitter (@cearalynch) probably know I’m prone to posting images like these. The responses tend to fall on two ends of the spectrum; extreme arousal or extreme disgust. I totally understand and expect both. These responses go hand in hand with everything relating to sex and bodily fluids; some guys are going to find it insanely hot while other guys like a penis in their mouth.

Almost just as often, however, are guys who are completely confused. They have no idea what it is; confusing it for semen, suggesting I have an infection, or accusing me faking it with spit or lotion. For those men here’s a crash course on how the pussy works:

The vagina a self cleaning orifice. Discharge is a healthy sign that it’s doing job to clean and protect itself. Depending on the time of the month it will look thick and white (usually before menstruation), clear and stretchy (during ovulation), brownish/red (during menstruation) or clear and watery (anytime.) Discharge can increase due to heavy exercise (true in my case), birth control, stress, or sexual arousal. Only if it is green, yellow, chunky and/or accompanied with an unusual odor, burning or itching should their be any concern for infection.

[For more information: http://www.healthline.com/symptom/vaginal-discharge]

I can see why a lot of men might get confused; if you don’t have a pussy or much experience with them, why wouldn’t you be? You don’t often see this in porn for the same reason you don’t see poop during anal; it all gets carefully cleaned out in advance. Certainly it does sometimes resemble hand lotion or saliva, but why would I use that if I have a well functioning vagina? Accusations like this do nothing more than showcase the accusers complete ignorance towards how pussy works.

Granted, my panties don’t always look like this, which is why I take pictures when they do. It actually varies quite a bit and is difficult to predict. As a result, the panties I auction on ebanned don’t always get this “filled” within the standard 48 hour wear. If you’re interested super wet, creamy panties frome me, your best course of action is to follow me twitter (@cearalynch) and email me (contact@cearalynch.com) as soon as you see me post a picture, be ready to pay $150-$200 for them right away and usually I can ship them to you same day.

Good luck!

Play hard

One of the greatest luxuries of working for yourself is setting your own schedule.

I recently had a friend of mine ask me if I, “take weekends off.” I don’t. I don’t even really think about the days of the week in general. I just work when theres nothing else to do and then take on whatever recreational opportunity comes my way. Its a fantastic way to live your life and I recommend it to everyone.

So what does a girl like me do when she’s not berating men on the internet? …Whats that? You don’t care? That’s cool, skip along. But for those of you who are curious: here’s some of things that have popped up in the last few weeks:

TedxPortland

TED (http://www.ted.com) stands for technology, entertainment and design. It’s a nonprofit dedicated to “ideas worth spreading,” in the form of short, powerful talks (and occasional demonstrations.) TEDx is for independent organizers who want to create a TED-like event locally.

I went to TedxPortland a few weeks ago with a couple friends. It was an all day event consisting of 14 local speakers, a ballet performance, food, drinks, swag, and the awkwardly placed headliner; Macklemore (who I actually kinda like but had nothing much of value to say.)

Overall I found the talks to be a little fluffy for my tastes–I prefer the more science based, tech talk to the inspirational ones–but there were some definite gems in there including a talk by Zach King aka @finalcutking who talked about using the tools of technology to create a following. Can you guess why that might have resonated with me?

Hiking

I took a 4 hour hike out in the gorge. Checking out unspeakably beautiful trails of green and water falls. The time went by like it was nothing, the company I was with was priceless. I came to the conclusion that I need to do this sort of thing much more often this Summer.

Book Club

I told myself I wanted to start reading more books, so I joined a book club centered around thought provoking, non fiction. I’ve only attended one meeting so far but its already my favorite thing that I do. Its like everything I loved about going to college..but with beer!

Comedy

I love stand up comedy. I goto a show at least once or twice a month. I’m also a regular listener of Marc Maron’s WTF podcast and occasionally Pete Holmes, “You Made It Weird.”

Comedy shows, as oppose to live music, are especially appealing to me because I don’t drink much and I like to goto bed at 10pm. The best shows Ive seen have been Dave Attell, Patton Oswald, Chelsea Peretti, Maria Bamford, Pete Holmes, Natasha Leggero, Nick Kroll, & Jon Lovits.

Grieves

As I stated above, I don’t see live music too often. At least not as much as I used to. If I do, it’s because its a artist I really really like. Grieves has been one of those artists for me lately. I only discovered him about a month ago but have had the album Together/Apart on repeat ever since. Also, hip hop shows are fun because they give me an excuse to wear my favorite hat.

Ashiatsu Massage

I recently had my first “ashiatsu massage” and it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It differs from other types of massages because the therapist hangs from the ceiling and massages you with her feet. I am obsessed.

If you ever want to get on my good side, just send a $150 gift card from Mudra Massage to contact@cearalynch.com

Stripperoke

My favorite stip club had a Star Wars themed stipperoke night this last Sunday (I fucking love Portland!) I went as far as putting my hair up in Leia buns and managed to score third place in the costume contest and even got a smooch from a stripper dressed as Hans solo. A great night indeed. Don’t you just love spending money on me knowing it’ll go right into tipping naked, tattooed ladies for my personal entertainment? You should.

Hashing

Hashing it a 76 year old social running & drinking club that started in Malaysia in efforts to treat weekend hangovers. Today, there are chapters all over the world. It works like this: every week or so a group gets together at a predetermined destination, a couple desginated “hashers”will mark a trail with flour, leading the rest of the group (the “hounds”) on a healthy run with various check points involving beer. All trails end with “Religion” where hashers sing raunchy drinking songs and give each other sweet names like “Buster Hymen,” “LipsDick” and “Fallen Cum Rag.”

I’m not a regular hasher (I like my liver too much) but I go on occasion. Recently I attended the Green Dress Run on St. Paddys day where roughly 200+ men and women ran around downtown Portland in green dresses, raiding various bars for beer and debauchery.

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So, there you go. That’s how I have fun.

Lynch 2.0

https://www.cearalynch.com