Tag Archives: ethics


His email:

I caught you on the Love + Radio podcast the other day and found you to be insightful and intelligent. Very refreshing.

I don’t mean to tell you your business, but I would be a bit careful as to how you treat some of your clients. I know it’s just for fun and a way to make a living, but some of the people who seek you need help. Professional help. And a humilatrix might get them off, but it also might just dig them deeper into their hole.

The vast majority of your clients are probably just horny and find you attractive and fun, but their are indeed troubled souls out there. And I know you don’t intend to make them more troubled. So please be careful. And stay hot.

My Response:

How do you propose I do that?

It would be easy to suggest my job is unethical if seeking out my services was purely a symptom of mental instability. But it isn’t. As you acknowledged, most of my clients are just horny and find me fun. Healthy people have fetishes, even ones related to deep humiliation. What people enjoy sexually does not give you any kind of predictive inference about who they are as a person.

However, given that there are a certain number of people in the general population that are mentally ill, it then follows that a certain percentage of my clients are mentally ill as well and, yes, perhaps my services are not beneficial to them given their current condition.

How am I to distinguish this sort of client from the rest? The only information they are giving me is what makes their dick hard.

What is my responsibility? At what point should override a grown man’s personal choices because I have a better understanding of what’s best for him? Should I run a psychological screening test to ensure each client is in the right state of mind to purchase my services? Request a letter from their doctor?

I do not want to harm anyone, but when someone tells me to “be careful” with no practical tools or advice as to how, all they are doing is instilling feelings of guilt and paranoia, suggesting I have an important yet unattainable moral obligation.

Many of my clients eroticize unethical behavior and personal destruction. They want me to behave like a sadist: to hurt them, fuck them over, leave them broke, destroy their life and not care about them in the slightest.

This could blur the lines of fantasy and reality until one realizes my clients have the power to end the fantasy at any point by turning off their computer. I do not chase them. I never make first contact or follow up. Every interaction with me begins with their initial approach, is contingent upon their payment, and ends when they stop sending money.


We don’t choose what we like.

Last week I received this email from a guy, we’ll call him Phil.

I’m so desperately horny and my head is all mushy. What would you ask for cam ASAP? I’ll pay it. My dick is hard and my wallet is open.

Phil has contacted me here and there for a few years now. He likes to eat his own cum and masturbate in ridiculous ways. He once sent me a video of himself fucking a jelly donut and another in which he lit a birthday candle in his urethra and let the wax drip down the shaft. Great guy. On this day Phil was requesting a 20-minute humiliating blackmail session involving TeamViewer (a program where I can access his desktop via my computer.) I hate TeamViewer and was not actively camming when I got his email, which meant if I decided to indulge him I’d have to stop what I was doing, put on make up, dress sexy and get in the mood. So, I charged him accordingly: $500. He promptly paid.

The moment I turned on my cam he offered his TeamViewer login credentials without hesitation or coaxing. I logged in and opened up his desktop. The first thing I saw was an open browser containing several tabs; each containing a different woman’s instagram page. He told me one was his ex girlfriend, another was a hot chick he knew in college, and the other was a friend he liked.

My mission was clear: to facilitate his orgasm by fabricating the thrilling scenario of being exposed to these women for the semen-slurping pastry fucker that he is. I made fun of him for giving up this information so easily, mocked his inadequacies and pretended as though I was drafting up an email to send to each of them right there, spilling every dirty secret I had against him.

In reality, I have no interest in contacting these women. They didn’t agree to participate in his jerk-off games and to drag them into it would be a violation. Furthermore, I know that the moment Phil cums the last thing he’ll want is exactly what he’s begging and paying me to do now. That’s the irony of so many sexual fantasies: that in which we fear or disgusts us the most is exactly what sets shooting into sexual climax. But unlike most fantasies, Phil’s desires potentially have real life consequences beyond the simple shame of sexual deviance. So my job is twofold: to make him believe I am going to ruin him without actually doing it. The sense of “realness” is essential.

Midway through the session Phil loses his erection and sighs in distress. He tells me he doesn’t really want me to expose him and that it’s just a fantasy.

Of course I know that. But these fantasies are tricky, especially when the client gives you real ammunition. I’m forced to juggle with two polarizing emotions and it’s not always predictable which one will come up and at what time. I tried splitting the difference as best I could: assuring him that I haven’t done anything, but in a mocking way that lets him know I think he’s a giant pussy and probably gay for losing his erection around me. He then tries to change the subject in an abrupt, random sort of way by talking about podcasts and how I look like Aubrey Plaza. I guess in attempt to take his mind off the situation, I don’t know. Eventually his time runs up and I turn the cam off.

A few minutes later he messages me again and offers $100 to “finish up.” I accept, he pays, and I turn on the cam again. By this time he’s managed to get himself hard again, but the cycle continues: I play the part he wants, but he quickly loses his erection out of nervousness, admits defeat and the cam time runs up before he can get himself off. All in all $600 well spent.

I attract a certain amount of criticism for accepting money from guys like Phil. I get accused of taking advantage of men despite the fact that I’m (ironically) a rather passive domme who doesn’t actively seek out or coerce anyone into doing anything. If you don’t want to give me money for any reason, I genuinely do not care: there are more than enough men who do. But I can’t deny that clearly some guys do struggle with their desires and have difficulty controlling them. Phil is probably one of those guys. Is it immoral of me to do business with him? If so, what course of action am I suppose to take to distinguish between customers who are genuinely going “too far” (as oppose to just the fantasy of going “too far”) and those who are grown men who can make their own decisions about what to do with their money and penis.

We don’t choose what we like. Whether it’s the gender we’re attracted to or the fetishes we acquire; our minds make it up without consulting us and without our permission. A great book that drives this point home is Perv by Jesse Bering. I highly recommend it. His thesis is that we shouldn’t be concerned as to whether our sexual proclivities are normal or natural and focus on whether or not they are actually harmful.

I don’t think fantasies are intrinsically harmful, including ones about being blackmailed and humiliated by women. Most of my customers do just fine buying videos centered around those fetishes and then going about their unaffected lives. Very few actually risk messing up their relationships with others, dabbling in sex-offender type (flasher) behavior, or spending beyond their means.What exactly separates these two types of customers is not clear to me, but I have my speculations:

Phil is fairly young and I suspect like with many of my younger (& more confused) clients, he thinks he has to get rid of his fetish to get rid of the harm that potentially accompanies it. But no amount of fighting, denying or ignoring it will make it go away. Like putting a lid on a boiling pot, it’ll eventually spill over and you’ll lose control of its contents. The best course of action is to take the lid off and attend to it periodically. Meaning, if you stop policing your thoughts and jerk off to them when you want to, you’re less likely to lose control over them.

Letting an attractive woman ruin your life in multiple ways is a great fantasy that I highly approve of. The best part is you need not make it a reality to enjoy it. Thoughts are just thoughts; it’s how we act on them that matters.


Fantasy vs. reality and the ethical implications of taboo fetishes

It’s been a while since I felt inspired to write about a heated topic such as this, so here it goes.

I want to start out by saying I think it is important and healthy for humans to contemplate ethical boundaries. I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t. However, I also know its a slippery slope when we start deeming content that is for adults, by adults, and only involves normal, consenting adults to be unethical. It is a domino effect that will inevitably knock down the piece that metaphorically represents all the crazy fucked up and deranged things we do as femdoms if we allow frivolous censorship to have its way.

I read some uproar recently on twitter regarding a studio that featured a girl depicting sex acts with a stuffed animals along with other clips that had varying incest themes with such charming titles as, "mating with mommy" "fuck your father" "feeding baby man" etc. Here is a screen shot of the studio in question:


Apparently a few Dommes within the scene have been rather outraged by these clips. One Domme in particular has been especially vocal about her stance, proclaiming that "any type of child molestation is offensive," and promising to boycott kinkbomb until the material was removed. hmm ok.

I find it ironic that someone coming from a rather transgressive scene be to quick the jump into the role of thought police. You don’t have to like age play or furry subcultures, but if its not negatively affecting you or anyone else…. who cares? (Please note that being offended doesn’t count are being "negatively affected" as everything will always offend someone.)

Yeah, I get it, were talking about the idea of what’s considered the most despicable and unethical acts imaginable (raping children), along with probably whats considered one of the more disgusting acts imaginable (having sex with animals.) But let’s think about this for a minute, the key concept here is the idea. This chick is using a plush toy, not a dog. She is using her words, not children.

Which brings us to an interesting question brought up on twitter:

"really its ok to ‘pretend’ to fuck animals and children?"

Well, first of all, I think it’s rather misleading to put "pretend" in quotes. This is actual pretending. To fuck an animal or a child, an actual animal or child has to be involved, otherwise its not real and therefor pretend. But thats not the question here. Is it "really ok?" Yeah, I think so. 

I know a lot of people are divided in believing whether or not pornography inspires sexual crimes or inhibits it, I personally lean toward the latter. I can’t say that I’ve ever read legitimate study on the matter (nor would I think any exist considering the ethical implications) but, really, let’s think about the nature of men; the ones we know, the ones we fuck, the ones we manipulate and use. How motivated are they to commit some aggressive, diabolical sex act immediately after they cum? How motivated are they to do anything for that matter? Not very.

My point being, clips like this serve as an outlet for men which could otherwise be replaced with something much more real. Which would you rather have; a man jerking off in his room alone to a clip involving consenting adults playing kinky-pretend? Or a man who exploits children and animals because he has nothing to jerk off to online?

It’s an unfortunate reality and true child/animal exploitation and incest do occur in this world. It’s my personal opinion that if youre going to take the time to be angry and vocal about something, why now be angry and vocal about that? Put your energy into changing the reality of this topic rather than wasting time on the fantasy. 


Anyway, that said, I’d like to shamelessly promote some clips along this same vein. Incest has been one of my favorite themes to dabble with lately and my lady Mistress T has fantastic and highly underrated furry clip that easily increased my admiration of her 10 fold. Go buy it now.

"Bad doggy"
(search keyword: doggy)

"Smothering sister"

"Sister’s date"

"Family pimping"

"Sister mommy double fuck"

"Kiss your sis

Disclaimer: this entry was not meant to be a personal attack on anyone. I actually happen to rather like and respect the person who will most likely disagree with me here, and thats totally fine. This isn’t the first time we didnt see eye to eye and probably won’t be the last. Let’s all learn to separate people from issues because if we all had the same opinions we’d be super fucking lame.