Mail time

I had a niteflirt call recently from a guy who nearly pissed himself the moment I said "hello." He fumbled over every word and was at a bewildered loss when I asked him why he was calling me. He kept apologizing for nothing and saying he should "probably hang up." I told him to go ahead (like I care) but like so many of you love-struck air heads he couldn’t seem to do it, and begged me over and over again to end the call. Which of course I wouldnt. I mean, why not make $3/min listening to a guy hyperventilate? Somehow or another the call ended and I got this follow up email paired with a $50 tribute. "Please retire" has got to be the best request I’ve ever received. 

"Princess Ceara,

*gulp*

ok…i’m ok.

*terrified*

so…well…

fuck, i’m still too scared….

It was just a moment of weakness…after so many years holding out.

That really wasn’t a good call, not that you would give a fuck, but, i’m sorry. i completely froze up.

Jesus Christ, i’m still fumbling around…pure loser sludgeville. In a world full of lame ass losers, and i cannot even complete a 5 minute phone call

*sigh*

You asked why i called? "i don’t know" *cringe*

ugh…pathetic.

So many times lurking and jerking, so many times pictures of you up on the desktop, and fleshpuppet prancing in glee…and terror. It was just a moment of weakness, i told myself if you were on…i would have to call…and there you were. Running to the vasaline, and teasing myself to the edge, over the new pictures of your feet encased in pantyhose, not fair! and then…*horror*…i would have to call. Your phone busy, whew!, escaped yet again…getting dressed for dinner, running out of time…i will try once more…and…you were on, and free. i had to call…had to give in, years of fear built up…it was about to happen…

you answered, my heart racing, and…

and i froze…terrified. how fucking sad. i suck.

i couldn’t even hang up…i hope you did. otherwise the call dropped, and that would doubly suck, if you thought i hung up. i couldnt *tears*.

you need to retire.

Sorry to waste your time Princess Ceara.

-just another lame lurker jerker half assed revenue stream.

Now, if i could just remove this wonderful picture off my desktop without creaming myself…."

————————————–

In other news, my booty’s biggest fan has been sending me some priceless advice about growing up and staying in business. I can’t believe its taken this long for someone to tell me that none of you guys are actually into this humiliation shit. Apparently I should really be focusing my energies on gaping my (very) naked tight bunghole and stuffing it with big black dick. Also, apparently my videos are numbered? Who knew…

"Ceara..yes you do have a GREAT BIG ASS sexy booty…an u need to show it more ..on your vids you spend too much time talking… an not enough time showing your pervect ass.. an u should make sure yr ass is VERY naked… that means NO PANTIES!!! understand…also show us your asshole..just bend over an spread yr cheeks..dont be scared to show it all..we deserve it.. stop with all the teasing. damn it.fuck…it’s gettin old. show it NOW!!!…

ps. id love my BIG Black dick deeep inside u….mmmmmm

love,
Johnny"

"No"

"NO!!..why u say no..damn it Ceara..u should know that most guys who watch yr vids wanna see yr Phat sexy ass..now you are cute too..but the main thing is yr plumb booty..nobody cars about that crazy shit you say in yr vids ,it’s the ass baby..must be part Black too have a booty like that.mmm yummy..i want your ass naked an as close to the screen as u can get..fuck yr ass is soo HOT!!….so do it an stop bullshitin.

mm fuckin yr ass..heaven
luv ya, Big Dick Johnny
ps.remember EVERYBODY wants to see you nude, naked ASS!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhh"

"No"

"Damn it..grow up..shit , fuck..u gotta do new stuff..that stupid teenage stuff u say is old news..no body does that dumb shit anyway.. an u aint fucken in control.."everybody just wants to fuck you!!now i love u..but get real..it’s all about the ass..who writes that shit for u..?? its stupid..i bet u aint getting fucked right..u need yr pussy, ass n mouth fucked hard n deeep by my BIG BLACK HARD dick..n im gonna cum in yr ass ..u should be my bitch..u talk that shit. but u cant take it…stop bein a teasin little bitch.."GROW UP""..an also wats with the feet??? no body gives a shit about yr fucken feet..damn ,u cant fuck feet..so stupid..i dont get it..get rid of all that weird shit..it’s fucking lame…..FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!"

"No"

"Ceara bitch…fuckKK!!…there u go with that NO shit again..look ,dont be stupid..im trying to help you.i want u to stay in business.so i can keep lookin at yr pervect fuckin ass..your video #16 was terrible an dumb..wat the hell were u doin in that box?? wat the fuck was that ?? so stupid an silly.like i said..nobody give a shit about that weird shit? all guys just wanna see yr naked round ass..WE JUST WANNA LICK N FUCK YOUUUU!!DAMN IT..that stupid talk dont get no sonofabitch hard..FUCK!! pls improve..u cant be that fuckin stupid..Damn..u need my BIG 10" Black throbing cock shoved deeeep in yr asshole then take it out n make u suck it, dn yr throat..i wanna choke u with my HUGE fuckin dick..just fuck yr mouth..n u better suck my balls BITCH!!..remember no more lame sorry ass vids..at least get some pants with the ass OUT..n stop warein those fuckin grandmother panties..remember ITS ALL ABOUT THE ASS!!!!!…wake up bitch..

ps.also dont put that stupid lookin dude in yr vids,nobody wants to see his ugly face.

luv,
BIG BLACK DICK Johnny"

"No"

"damn it Ceara..FUCKKK!!..i wanna strip u naked right in yr fuckin class room..n let everybody see u get fucked by my HUGE stiff Black cock..throw u on all 4s n spread yr naked ass cheeks n kiss n lick all over yr asshole squezzing yr ass cheeks n tongue fuckin yr asshole,lickin n fingerin yr wet pussy..mmmmmm..your vids have gotten better. the 1st ones where u sit in the chair n say stupid shit were so boring. now u just need to be NAKED!!!the only thing that saves you is your BIG ASS!! n cute fuckin face…im on my way to the Gym…u need a BIG sweaty Black Man (me)pumpin u hard makin u scream 4 more..U need to suck n SUCKKKK MY BIG FUCKIN DICK!!..u know yd love it…..DAMN IT!! MORE BIG JUICY ASS!!! N UP CLOSE!!"

"No"

"OMG!!! that vid #18 was terrible…so fuckin boringgggggg!!!damn it i said..NO body likes that stupid shit…FUCKKK!!!..say i love yr ass..fuck # 10 was the the best one..ID LOVE TO GRAB YR FUCKIN ASS CHEEKS N FUCK U SOO FUCKIN HARDDDDDD…MY BLACK HARD DICK SURROUNDED BY YR ASSHOLE…AHHHHHH…shit next time bitch…TAKE THOSE FUCKIN PANTIES OFFFFF!!!.I NEED U NAKED…..GROW UP N STOP BEING STUPID!!!!!"

"No"

"Damn it ..Cearaaa..RUB YR PUSSY…. I WANT U TO SIT YR BIG PHAT ROUND PERVECT WHITE ASS ON MY BIG BLACK STIFF HARD DICK. U R GOONA TAKE ALL MY 10"DICK UP YR TIGHT ASSHOLE..MMMM..IM GOONA FUCK U ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY N NIGHT…"

"No"

pantyhose

 Summer has just been rushing by lately and I feel like I’ve been juggling about 20 different projects once; the new team tease website, revamping my website, scheduling models for fetishcon, filming clips, editing clips, posting auctions, house hunting, marathon training, kicking ass, taking names, etc.

Thank god school is out and I can focus on those things that matter most to me; exploiting dumb men for profit. Who knew I had some time to fill out this dumb blog? 

Speaking of auctions, I posted a new one a couple days ago selling my worn pantyhose (as seen in my clip "Nude pantyhose.") It seems I have some regular bottom dwelling perverts obsessed with winning my goods lately. My last 4-5 auctions have been won by the same two people; Amir and H.S.. I hope one of them winds up on the news some day when a woman reports her neighbor to the police for sneaking into her house and digging through her underwear drawer; they’d raid his house and find an repugnant stash of Lynch-wear followed by pungent odor that smells of death. 

But hey, why should they have all the fun? I know you have money to burn; BID HERE.


And since so many of you keep asking; no, I will NOT be at the Portland foot night this month. Personally I’d rather vomit out my ears than have anonymous internet weirdos slobbering at my feet. But hey, my girl Monique (who is generally less disgusted by you guys than I am) will be there with her 10 little piggies to gutter-fuck your wallet to the ground, along with latin-sensation Jasmin from team tease, and Im sure an abundance of tatted-up Portland locals. That said, here’s a little taste at what you wish was there:

HA HA. YOU CAN’T HAVE THIS. 

buy my panties

 Miss me? I’m still around, dipshits, you just have to know where to find me. I’ve been showing ebanned lots of love lately, you panty perverts have been having a field day. Im currently auctioning this teeny tiny satin thong:


Never under estimate the power of a Lynch auction. My last panty sold for nearly $400 – and that was with only a little twitter promotion. Not even WR took notice and that little bitch is up my ass 24/7 to promote whatever I might devour, digest and shit back out to the world.

Thats right, fuckwads, bid and bid high if you want to win this one. Or for your sissy lady-wannabe’s, here’s a little sneak peak at what I have coming up for bid. If you want to be the first to snatch this pink thong up before it gets auctioned, contact me with $250 in hand.

Sneaker auction

My first auction in a long-ass while. It’s about time I sell these puppies. I think one of you dimwits bought these for me, like, 4 years ago? Damn. They are really old. And I can’t tell you how many times a week I get foot boys begging and pleading to buy my work out shoes. So here’s your chance. Don’t say I never gave you nothing. Winner gets these well worn shoes plus the full version of this video.

BID HERE!

Something to blog about

 Not to toot my own horn or anything (very unlike me), but I think this might be my most lucrative month in the history of, well… ever. I’ve been doing something in April I’ve always thought about, but never executed: maximizing all of my revenue streams. Mostly that means turning my phone lines on more and rejecting paid cam requests less. With the way things have been this first week, Im on my way to well over doubling my average. How much is that you ask? Oh yeah, none of your damn business. But probably more than most of you make in a year. 

The anticipation of taking calls has always felt like somewhat of a chore. That is until I actually start talking to your freakshows and am reminded of why I freaking love my "job." I’ve been getting a few giantess fan callers, which is new, different. I forget I’ve somewhat built myself up as a notorious mega woman. It’s a nice change of pace to describe the unspeakable, agonizing, death of a tiny man crushed below my stilettos after several typical "hurrr I’m a butt sucking fag" conversations …..Not that theres anything wrong with that or anything. Some of my closest friends are butt sucking fags.

"Thomas" has probably been my top loser lately. Man this guy is OBSESSED. Typical sissy virgin with no life and a small dick, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t have the stamina of my hung black boyfriend after 3 red bulls. This low life typically stays on the phone for about at hour at $5/min, blows his baby badder at least 3 times, then sits there and cries that he needs to hang up but can’t do it. I didn’t realize this until now, but my clip "you can’t resist" was a custom for Thomas. I will literally sit there and tell him to hang up, but as long as my feet or my ass are in view, he can’t. Then his little man pussy gets wet and we start all over again. Awesome. Thomas has truly raised (lowered?) the bar of loserdom. The rest of you should all sincerely feel inadequate in your inadequacy.

And in case you don’t, here’s a reminder:

Faggy frat boy gets fucked over again

Obligatory shameless promotion:

A fool’s sale at kinkbomb. Spend $50 and get $15 off: http://cearalynch.kinkbomb.com

TODAY ONLY.

Too much of a broke ass loser to spend a measly $35? Make yourself useful and VOTE VOTE VOTE.

—————-

 

Okay enough of that. Yesterday was a great day in terms of extracting loser bucks. But the highlight of my night was fucking over an oldie but a goodie; faggy frat boy. For those of you who have forgotten (it’s been a while) this adorable little lush has a boner for forced intox whilst being persuaded into putting himself into compromising situations which generally end up screwing over his love life. After several shots of rum, I had him write "cunt" on his forehead, a fat dick on his chest, and had his hands handcuffed under his legs. The cherry on top was that his new girlfriend was asleep in the other room, with the cuff keys.


Ceara Lynch: dating anyone?
chastitybelted2001: yeah…always on and off
chastitybelted2001: shes actually downstairs asleep
Ceara Lynch: haha
Ceara Lynch: nice
chastitybelted2001: fast asleep. and none the wiser..lol
Ceara Lynch: we’ll see
chastitybelted2001: hey!
chastitybelted2001: def hope she isn’t!

_

This all happened near my bedtime so I cut the session short and left him there. The next day I got my follow up report. Lordy I love my job:

chastitybelted2001: That was unpleasant
Ceara Lynch: what happened?
chastitybelted2001: Basically I woke up to her standing over me..with a WTF look.. Oddly first she asked me where the handcuffs came from.. I asked her to get the key.. Told her where it was, she came back, tossed me the key and left for work, and now she won’t answer any texts
chastitybelted2001: So who knows what the hell she’s gonna think or say..
Ceara Lynch: HAHAHAHA
Ceara Lynch: that is fantastic
Ceara Lynch: how long have you been dating?
chastitybelted2001: Just a few months of actual dating
Ceara Lynch: nice, I love sabatoshing your potential for love and happiness.
chastitybelted2001: Jesus.. Yeah, I’m pretty sure even if she doesn’t think I’m fd in the head, not sure I wanna face her again
Ceara Lynch: I hope she tells all her friends.
chastitybelted2001: Just glad she didn’t whip out her phone and take a few pics.. Least I assume she didn’t being as I woke up to her already there
chastitybelted2001: I wouldn’t doubt shell be telling everyone
chastitybelted2001: She’s just like that.. Kind of a bitch
Ceara Lynch: awesome
chastitybelted2001: This sucks.. Least she doesn’t know I’m messed up enough to actually pay to end up like that
chastitybelted2001: Sadly.. I wanna do it again tonight 

 

The cure for old age

I always love a good fucked up request:

"You are my younger step-sister at 18 years old and you hate it that I can go to the clubs and drink and you can’t. You invite me over to your apartment one day and tell me that you are jealous but you have been dabbing in dark magic. With a wave of your hand I regress to 17 years old. You tease that you are older than me now and I should be going to highschool but you want me younger. With another wave of your hand I am now 12 and my clothes practically fall off of me. I am now standing in front of you naked. You tease me that I am barley in 8th grade now and you are so much older than me. You notice that your sexy mature body is turning me on, at 12 I can’t control myself and now have a hard on. You flaunt your sexy body at me taking off your shirt and showing me your tits. You encourage me to jerk off for you just to see if I can even produce sperm at such a young age. You tease that girls my age now are just now developing breasts and sexy curves. You tell me that I would look cute if I was even younger. With another wave of your hand I am now 7. You laugh that I have not even reached puberty yet and comment on how small my balls are now and that I can’t even get a hard on yet. You tease how small I am and that I am now 11 years younger than you now. You decided that you don’t want to make me older again so you regress me down all the way to an infant. Then pick me up and coo at how cute I am and laugh that you are old enough to be my mommy and to think I used to be older then you. You tell me that you have a friend that has wanted a baby and now she can have one…me. – Andrew"

Nice one Andrew. You are surely going to hell. But that’s okay, I sealed that fate long ago myself too. Anyway, what do you think guys? Should I do it? I’m pretty sure I could steal someone’s baby as a prop. Hmmm…

In other news, apparently I still got it:

 
Buy this clip

Making my father proud since 1986

Hey mother fuckers — despite my multiple hiatuses I’ve been taking lately, I am in fact still alive, kicking ass and taking names behind the scenes. As Im sure many of you have heard by now, this last Saturday my girl   out did herself once again by putting together an amazing S&M fashion show featuring some local talent as well as some familiar faces; Domme Nikki from Team Tease  and everyone’s favorite submissive dyke lesbo on a leash and collar. This event exceeded my expectations, which are generally pretty low anyway, but in this case I envisioned big things, and boy did my partner in crime deliver. My god we are truly unstoppable.

Anyway, I know it’s hard to read with one hand on your dick, so if you made it this far, uh, maybe you should see a doctor. Until then, enjoy the pictures below. I will be posting more on the Lynch Mob mailing list so if you aren’t a member yet, submit your email to the right hand side of this blog and enjoy some exclusive pictures that won’t be featured anywhere else.