Last week I posted a video called “Messy Sissy.” It was a custom (like most of my videos) from a guy who liked to dress up in little girl’s pageant style dresses and be told to suck cock. All that is sadly rather normal in Lynch-world, but he threw me for a curve ball when he told me he has a “messy” fetish as well (a fetish in which one gets aroused by covering themselves with some kind of wet and messy substance; whip cream, mud, cum, etc.) It’d be the first time I ever touched on that fetish and at first I didn’t know how to fit it in. Then it occurred to me that a few custard pies would be great training tools for the copious amounts of cum that would be drenching his homely face and frilly dress after I get through with him. I’m pretty pleased with the out come. These dresses don’t come cheap and I made sure the specify that he wear his best, most expensive one when carrying the assignment out. I can’t tell you how much joy my sadistic heart gets out of the thought of a grown man covered in custard and whip cream, crying over the fact that he just ruined his favorite princess dress just so he can get used to what it will be like to get pimped out by a girl have his age. I love my life.

Think you can top this picture? Buy the clip and show me what you got:

Messy Sissy – http://www.clips4sale.com/16312

Shortly after posting this video, I received this tweet:

It’s true, my salivating skills are pretty fantastic. Im always getting props from my domme friends. It wasn’t until Mistress T filmed one of my spit-centric clips that she found out what my trick is, which shouldn’t be any big secret to those who bought “Master Spitter,” or, you know, anyone who’s ever properly sucked a dick in their life (zing!)

Master Spitter – http://www.clips4sale.com/16312

Last week I returned from Tampa’s Fetishcon. What a great week. As much as I hate leaving Portland’s most perfect and limited weather to fly across the country to be in the Florida’s most humid and miserable; it was more than worth it. As Mistress T put it, “It’s like visiting our weird home planet.”

Fetishcon is located at the Hilton, which had just recently been remodeled. Mistress T and I split the largest suite we could book and stuck Nate-bitch on the couch who was at our beck and call all weekend. I swear, this little shit has it made. As if it weren’t enough that I use him to worship the feet of pretty much every Team Tease brat that graces my camera AND come to dinner with me on my leash, the rest of the Dommes of fetishcon were eager to use him on and off camera as well.

I want to lick your brain. [Photo courtesy of @dominasnow]

Besides Nate and T, most of my time was spent with Alexandra Snow and Damiano Severo. I fucking love those two more than I care to admit through my convincingly hardcore exterior. Snow, equipped with her green screen, shot a couple of my first real hypnosis clips .

Missy Rhodes riding the Sybian. Who needs boys? [Photo courtesy of @ashleyfires]

Throughout the daytime when I wasn’t shooting or stuffing my face with bad hotel food, I made appearances at the clips4sale booth. I love it there. Ever since they started letting a gaggle of clip bitches take it over it’s turned into some kind of wonderful and perverted slumber party. When I stopped by Ashley Fires were hooking girls up to microphones and having them ride a Sybian for some “forced” public orgasms.

[wpvideo uJyz1omq]

[Find video here if it does not appear]

A little German balloon fetishist visited the booth while I was there. I saw him earlier in the year in Vegas for AEE when he asked me to blow up a balloon. Ever since he’s been emailing me about shooting with him at fetishcon for $100/hr. Fair rate in this industry, but not worth your time if you’re me. As you can see, he asked me to blow up an unlubricated condom this time and then begged like a little puppy for me to find time to shoot with him. Still had to turn him down. Turns out he didn’t even have a website or a clips store, just looking for videos for his  personal collection. How sweet and gross all at once.

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[Find video here if it does not appear]

Fetishcon sponsors a couple big, offsite club parties. I’m notorious for talking everyone out of going. I hate overly crowded spaces, overpriced admission, loud music, and people I don’t know, can’t see or hear. Why bother when there’s a perfectly good bar and pool area at the hotel which most everyone congregates to anyway? That’s where you’d find me most nights. This year I was targeted by a charming swinger couple that were about my parents age. Its probably safe to say I was about 3 drinks away from being eaten alive by them. At one point as I stumbling to the bathroom, I was approached by a guy with an empty cup introducing himself as a toilet. “SAY NO MORE!” I slurred as I snagged the cup from his hand, “How much money do you have?” My god I must have been in a good (i.e. drunk) mood because this guy ended up spending the best $20 of his waste consuming life.

If there’s one great perk about going to fetishcon, it’s that there’s a wide selection of gorgeous women willing to sub for me. I was fortune enough to sit on Danielle Trixie‘s beautiful face, stick my feet in Paris Kennedy‘s sexy mouth, and spit all over Dakota Charms. My favorite femsub clip however would have to be my very last shoot with Cheyenne Jewel and Domina Snow.

No your eyes don’t deceive you, that’s a rubber cock dangling between my legs. & that beautiful robe bondage skillfully tied by Miss Snow herself. I decided to take my depravity to new heights by shooting a double strap on scene with this this lovely little toy (look out for it in Snow’s studio in the near future.) along with a “forced” orgasm scene where we pretend Cheyenne is some prudish Mormon bitch that came to our door only to get taught a valuable lesson. Man, why can’t all of life’s lesson involve orgasms…?

I fucking love Cheyenne. When asked what her hard limits were, all she said was, “cattle prods.”

Me, Snow, Cheyenne & Meggerz [Photo courtesy of Seraphim’s Photo]

On the last night after all our shooting was done, we traded the latex, lingerie, corset, heels and waist cinchers for our footie pajamas. Making a brief appearance at the wrap up party, I don’t think we could have gotten more attention if we were dressed in fetish gear. Numerous people took pictures with us and expressed their burning envy. Can’t say that I blame them. We look fucking incredible.

And with that, I leave you with this blurry ass picture of just a fraction of the people I was stoked to spend time last week; Amadahy, (me), Meggerz, Alexandra Snow, Sarah Blake, Justine Joli, Larkin Love, Mistress T, and Evelyn Milano.

Honorary mention to: Shauna Ryanne, Sarah Diavola, Lilith, Jasmine Mendez, Tierra, Lelu Love, Princess Anna, Hannah Perez, Astro Kittie, Corey Chase, Rachel Steele, and the so-called “men” behind american mean girls, brat princess 2, bratty foot girls, and humiliation POV.

Next stop… Burning man!

My birthday is fast approaching. I’ll be turning another year older this Monday, July 22nd. I can’t believe that I’m happy to say I’ll be spending it in Vegas. Normally that’d be the last place I’d want to be in the middle of the Summer (or pretty much any other time of year) but since I’ll be spending with with some of my favorite people (Domina Snow, Mistress T, Rene, Meggerz, & Mandy Flores) with a strict rule against any kind of working, I’m looking forward to it.

I have somewhat of a history of buying myself extravagant gifts for my birthday; one year I bought my 27″ iMac desktop, another year I bought a modest house.. This year I’ll be repeating myself and buying yet another house. I decided this somewhat impulsively when the reality of all the remodeling work I pictured myself doing on my current home proved to be too stressful and daunting. After a few weeks of shopping in a newly competitive market, I’m now locked in to close on a lovely mid century ranch style home that’s over 3000 sqr ft, 4 bed/2 bath, large yard, big fireplace, a deck, hot tub, and wet bar. I am beyond elated.

Since many of you who are reading this right now are at least partially responsible for making this purchase possible out of purely superficial and shallow admiration, I invite you to extend that generosity with a birthday giftcard from West Elm. Any giftcard over $25 will receive exclusive images from my birthday vacation in Vegas, just be sure to email me so I know: contact@cearalynch.com

A shot of me signing the papers for my current home 2 years ago. As you can see it was a foggy day.

Let’s all give a round of applause to this guy who came up with the most horrifying idea ever to grace my inbox:

I’m always impressed by a perverse mind that can provoke me to make a facial expression that looks like I just saw my dad blowing an elephant. Funny how quickly the shock wears off and I begin to think about how I can capitalize on it. In VIDEO form, of course. Having a baby is not something that appeals to me at this stage in my life. Having a baby with a “random slave” is enough to make me vomit out my ears. Besides, in a very real way, I already have a few babies:

Baby Katy-steph. I don’t really see this one too often. I’m also not too impressed with his commitment to babyhood. Every time I’ve watched him on cam (aka the baby monitor) he’s usually just wearing a bib and a pacifier. So half assed. I can always count on him to crawl out of the woodworks whenever I make an adult-baby clip. Which isn’t too often.

Baby Nate, I’ve known this baby for years! Since I started playing bitch on the internet, really. I just talked to him the other day for the first time in a while. The only thing that’s changed with him is his diapers (zing!) Still a scrawny loser sissy who showers me with fan-girl like praise and compliments.

Baby diaper boy! This baby doesn’t fuck around when it comes to infancy. He’s got a fully decked out nursery complete with crib, mobile, stuffed animals, plastic sheets, and a closet full of diapers, bibs and bonnets. He regularly pays for 1 hour+ of baby monitoring at a time as he jerks his unusually large cock with baby oil while making weird gurgling noises. Best baby ever!

Last weekend Mandy Flores came down for a night with her man. Love this girl.

Apparently a lot of you like us too. When I announced we were getting together to shoot, I got numerous custom clip requests which added up to a $1k payment advance and no need to think up my own sick ideas. I love my job.

I’m finding I really enjoy doing trade shoots with other independent producers. Every once in a while I get thrown a curve ball and asked to dabble in a fetish I’ve never catered to. Mandy had me do a 20 min clip for one of her customers where we shoot each other with toy machine guns and shake around like were being riddled with bullets whilst saying such sexy phrases as “I’m being machine gunned,” and “You’re shooting me to pieces.” I’m pretty much convinced its an 8 year old boy commissioning these clips.

If that sounds hot to you (and I know it does) search the word “machine” in Mandy’s studio to see clips of a similar nature. (Or you can just buy a clip of her squirting cum all over her hitachi like a normal man.)

Mandy Flores:
http://clips4sale.com/studio/33729

The next day we headed out the the nude beach for a photo shoot. It was great: sunny weather, cool water, and plenty of creepy old men leering in the bushes. What more could a couple of hetero-flexible girls want?

The next day I found myself with mosquito bites on my legs the size of soft balls. They’re still there and turning a disturbing shade of purple. There’s gotta be a fetish for this, right? One of you freaks help me capitalize on this. Thanks.

Forgive me for neglecting you, oh sweetest of blogs.

It’s especially sad because I really do have a lot worth mentioning. I may just go ahead and start with the latest and go backwards from there. That two week long trip to LA warrants multiple posts. Let’s just say for now it’s good to be home.

Last week I was approached on skype by a sub (we’ll call him “Dylan.”) that I hadn’t talk to in quite sometime. Back when I was just a baby findom, Monique and I got him drunk and tag teamed his credit card. He was hit or miss. When he spent he spent big, but occasionally backed out and canceled orders. Its moments like that that have all but completely ruined the notion of a good ole fashion wallet rape. I don’t bother with guys who want to send me their cc#. It’s too easy to cum, regret, and then claim fraud. These days I always, always, always insist subs put on their big boy pants and send me a payment up front by themselves if they wanna play pretend financial exploitation. More often that not that doesn’t happen. I wonder why…

Fortunately, Dylan put out: $300 for cam to discuss the idea of me taking over his Saks account with another Domme, particularly Bratty Nikki. Like the jaded femdom entertainment service provider that I am, I assumed nothing he said was sincere, but when along with it anyway. Nikki was logged on too so I made sure he paid her upfront and then we joined in a group chat. Dylan made two Saks accounts with two different credit cards and handed over the login info which we promptly locked him out of and began shopping. All the while Nikki and I gossiped privately about our history with him and whether or not we thought he was legit this time.

Now, I love designer clothes and accessories as much as the next greedy bitch, but Im also rather practical and can never justify spending my own money on it (I’d much rather have a house and an obscenely large savings account then a collection of Prada handbags) Since online shopping via honest wallet raping is a rarity these days, I don’t often indulge in this sort of thing. So given this opportunity, I slid on the biggest electronic strap on I had and immediately began penetrating his financial hole vigorously sans lube: Gucci, Burberry, Christian Louboutin, Alexander McQueen, Gold & Diamonds. These are the things girlie wet dreams are made out of.

Nikki and I teased Dylan about relinquishing so much control as he sat there looking like he just took 5 hits of ecstasy. He wanted to make sure he was
“forced” to stick with his purchases, so he gave me his mom’s phone number. I called and confirmed it on speaker phone by asking her for Dylan’s personal number. Meanwhile Nikki recorded him saying his full name, what he was doing and that he loved it. We hid no purchase from him and he didn’t protest once. 2 hours and $10,000 later, his credit cards were maxed out. We were done with him.

Nikki being the pro that she is, got express shipping, so her stuff arrived much sooner than mine. I just got the first half of my haul today, expecting the rest tomorrow.

$5000 worth of new shoes and sunglasses for Nikki.

Over $1500 worth of jewelry, $300 sun glasses, $700 trench coat + more to come. I can’t even be bothered to arrange my shit all nicely like Nikki. Whatever. Eat me.

I must admit this was a high I haven’t felt in sometime. I forgot how fucking fantastic it feels to shop for so much frivolous shit I wouldn’t otherwise buy some else’s dime. It’s like 20 christmases just exploded all over my face. I am elated.

For those of you wondering, Dylan has canceled his credit cards, gone into hiding and I don’t expect to hear from him for at least another year. I pretty much expect to forget his existence within the next couple days.

So, I did something I had never done before the other day: I gave someone 10 free minutes of cam. Fucking nuts right? If you would have told me 20 minutes before the fact that the guy on skype who barely spoke English and was trying to hustle me out of a free 5 seconds cam peak would have me endearing him within minutes I would have deemd you preposterous. Anyone who’s spent more than a few minutes trying to talk to me with out paying knows I have no patience online. When it comes to language barriers I know I should be more understanding, but I’m not, and tend to treat foreigners the same way I treat those who don’t have the same excuse (you know, stupid people.)

He eventually did throw down $100 for a small penis humiliation cam show. Not surprisingly, his spoken English was even worse than his writing, but he certainly wasn’t shy. He jumped up and down enthusiastically, vigorously shaking his tiny cock at me and making talk like a puppet in his goofy arab accent,

“Hallloooo!! Halllooo Ceara! I am sooo small! Halllo!!”

His face was animated as he wiggled his pinky at me and scrunched his nose in disgust, then laughed at himself. I’m pretty sure all that is suppose to be my job, but didn’t mind. It was the first time in a long while that a guy legitimately amused me on cam.

“Yoo ah sooo bootiful! muah! I geev yoo much monay.”

He paid another $100, which bought him 20 more minutes, but within the first 5 his bright jovial face fell into that concentrated look as he squirted a surprisingly large load of his his 3 inch mound. He mentioned he liked CEI at one point, so I told him to clean it up with his tongue. He nodded at me like he understood but obviously didnt, so I repeated, “EAT..YOUR…CUM..” in that very slow and deliberate way people speak when they’re talking to a foreigner.

“I kahnt. Eet eez…how yoo say?… Deeskustink?”

“Disgusting?”

“Yes. Deeskustink.”

“When you’re excited you want to, but when you cum you dont?”

“Yes.”

“That’s typical”

He let out a big sigh and kinda stared at the ground for a while. His demeanor completely transformed from bouncing jester to sad clown painting.

“Are you sad?”

“Wat?”

“You look sad.”

“Yes. I alwayz. Ahfter.”

“Are you going to cry?”

“Wat?”

“Are you going to CRY? Wah wah.” (I make a crying face.)

“Yes. Wah wah. ha ha. No. I not aye GHURL.”

“You look like one”

“Ha ha ha.”

We talked for a bit about where we were from. He said he lived in Abu Dhabi but was in Paris for 6 months. He probably explained why but I could barely understand half of what he was saying. I asked him if he was Muslim. He said he was, but not a very good one right now, he would have to make up for it later.

Then he told me I should visit Dubai because everyone there is so nice.

“Everyone?”

“Yes. Yoo do dees (he gives me the finger) yoo goto jail fo aye month.”

“Thats not nice”

“Ha ha ha.”

I asked him if I’d have to wear a veil over my hair if I visited, but he interpreted it as me asking about his turban and ran off to go put on and show me. He plopped it loosely on his head and smiled for first time since he blew his load. I smiled back.

He got excited that I seemed to take some interest in him and started searching his computer for a picture to show me. I realized at this point we were well passed the 20 minutes he paid for, but I didn’t mind. It felt like those rare connections you make with locals when you’re traveling abroad that largely define your trip (minus the tiny dick and balls.)

“Doo yoo tink aye am aye looser?” he asked as he looked for his picture.

I paused for a second to think of how to phrase my response so he’d understand. In retrospect, a simple “no” probably would have been suffice.

“When you’re hard, yes. Right now, no.”

He nodded in a way that probably meant he didn’t really understand and continued searching. He then sent me this:

[Image of him in front of Burj Tower removed by request]

“dis iz Burj towah. Doo yoo no?”

I told him yes, that I had been there and knew it very well. He seemed surprised, so I showed him a picture to prove it:

He fell over giggling.

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This month is swamped. But I wanted to take the time to check into my terribly neglected blog (which I hope to pay more attention to this year) and say a little something about something.

This Tuesday I leave for Vegas for AEE. It’ll be my 7th year in a row going. I can’t believe how quickly these years have added up and how much has changed since then. My first year attending was the year I worked as a sales clerk at a local porno store. Portland being the smutty and liberal city that it is, this was an especially seedy porno store equipped with back room “viewing booths” that contained the occasional voyeur window and glory holes. It was a hot spot for gay cruisers, especially the kind adorning wedding rings, and homeless street walkers looking for a dry place to do business. I made minimum wage plus commission and was selling my used panties on ebanned on the side. This was before I had a website or took calls on niteflirt.

During my time working there I developed fan girl admiration for certain porn stars and convinced my rather wild best friend at the time to fly out with me to AVN so we could meet them. Equipped with starry eyes and fake IDs, we did so, quite successfully, and even made a few friendships within the industry that eventually disintegrated over the years for one reason or another. It was an especially exciting and novel experience for me at that time and I made a point to go each year to find some kind of trouble to get into.

Here’s a little trip down memory lane from my first year:

Out on the strip at night. Cold as shit.

Getting my belly button pierced with my giiiiirlfriend. Major BFF bonding time. (They got so fucking infected.)

Meeting Ron Jeremy. This was right before he stuck his tongue down my throat and mouth raped me. No lie. Look at my face in this picture: pure innocence. I have never been the same since.

Fast forward to 2013, I’m more than just a little stressed out scheduling trade shoots with nearly a dozen dommes and paid shoots with small handful of porno girls and models. I’ve been spending my days approaching trying to write up over 50 clip descriptions. This trip has definitely turned into more work that play, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. At this point I’ve been to Vegas more times than I can count and all in all it’s not really my kind of city. But when I get a lot of work done, especially working with so many like minded people, I have a good time. VIP parties with kinkbomb don’t hurt either. Those guys really know how to take girl out.

A couple pictures from last year:

This year should be great, I’ll be rooming with Mistress T, which is always a pleasure, and at least 2 film slaves have booked their tickets and will be at our beck and call all weekend. There’s always room for more if anyone wants to reply to the casting call (below), but obviously at this point you better be pretty damn useful if you want to be considered.

I should take the time to mention, that if you want any custom clips with myself and Lyne, Rene, Bratty Bunny, Mistress T, Alexandra Snow, Sarah D, Meggerz, Evilyn Milano, Cheynne Jewel, Lindsey Leigh, Kayla Danger, Sammie Spades, or Selena, now would be the time to submit your request: contact@cearalynch.com.

(Do not request a clip involving more than just one girl, other than me, unless you have an absurd amount of money to spend.)

On another note entirely; I don’t know if I’ve been less dismissive of subs lately, or if I’ve just been lucky, but there have been a few guys that have crossed paths lately that I’ve actually enjoyed…talking….to. Weird right? Normally if I want to have an enjoyable conversation with someone the last person I want to talk to is a dude with a hard on and the deluded mind to think that I’m anything other than human. Of course I realize I bring that treatment on myself in the ways the I choose to represent myself online, and I certainly didn’t start all this as a way of making friends.

One guy is a writer. He relapsed from his 3 years of sobriety (porn addict) after finding me. He’s a little on the annoying side with his incessant emailing but I can appreciate the fact he knows how to spell and has some decent connections in the publishing world. He’s already tried to get back on the wagon since first contacting me, to which I wished him luck. It was only couple days passed before he started emailing me again. I figured that was a good a time as any to recommended my clip “Power Trip.” Here was his response to it.

Testimonials don’t get much better than that. I instructed an entirely different customer to spend all day watching that clip every hour, for a total of 12 hours, no matter where he was (he had to keep a copy on his mobile phone.) Strange, I haven’t heard from him since. I wonder if he started to smell toast near the end.

Another guy emailed me proposing a long term anal training session with photographic updates, weekly tributes and penalties. I love a sub with a straight forward proposal. Makes my life easier when I’m not expected to read anyones mind (although I’m pretty good at that too.) After sending me an initial tribute and having him purchase the anal kit, he inquired about my interest in new atheism and shared some of his thoughts. Its a branch of philosophy and skepticism that I’ve been really into lately so although it was brief discussion I found it rather engaging. It’s so rare that I like a sub on a personal level like that. I think tearing up his anus will have added sentiment.

One thing I should mention as the planet completes yet another inevitable revolution around our nearest star: 2012 was a truly great year for me. I traveled quite a bit; including Europe for the first time for a fabulous albeit stressful 3 weeks, I made far more money then I ever have in past years despite taking time off whenever I pleased, and since graduating college I had the freedom and means to take classes and choose teachers that specifically interest me (mostly in photography and philosophy.) All in all, I lived my life pretty much exactly as I wanted to.

I’m finding my job as a professional bitch has become increasingly gratifying. I really have nothing to complain about. All phony arrogance and sense of entitlement aside; I feel incredibly lucky and somewhat undeserving of the life I have. So much so that I often find myself censoring my good fortune around friends and family. No one makes the kind of money I do. No one has the freedom that I do. These are rough times and it seems everyone is suffering in one way or another to some degree. Sure, I work hard at what I do, but a lot of it is luck; luck that I’m white, luck that I live in a 1st world country, luck that I was born in an age of reproductive freedom, luck that I fell into this niche, luck that I’m beautiful. Life is about making the most of the cards that were dealt with. It would be nothing short of obvious to recognize that I was handed a pretty nice set.